THE LIBERTARIAN ENTERPRISE
Number 366, May 7, 2006
"The Lamestream Media"
Special to TLE
We are planning on changing your nation's name from "Mexico" to "Americo."
TO THE PRESIDENT OF MEXICO
I'm planning an extended vacation into Mexico with my family and maybe eventually, a dozen or more of my relatives and friends who will, in turn, each bring into Mexico a dozen more, and so on. I would like you to assist me.
I'm going to walk across the border from the USA into Mexico and I need you to make a few arrangements. I plan to skip all the irritating legal stuff like visas, passports, inoculations, immigration and security laws. I'm sure you can handle these things the same way that you say the USA should at its own borders. So, I will be expecting the following:
1. Free medical care for my entire family at any Mexican medical facility I choose.
2. English-speaking government workers must be supplied for all the services I might need.
3. All Spanish government forms must be printed bilingually in English.
4. My kids must be taught in English by English-speaking teachers and all American holidays must be observed.
5. Schools must include classes on American culture and history that are fully pre-approved by American community activists of my selection, or I will sue you big-time.
6. My kids must see the American flag flying with the Mexican flag on the flag pole at their school daily, or there will be trouble.
7. You must feed my kids at school for both breakfast and lunch.
8. I demand a Mexican driver's license as my inalienable right so that I can get guaranteed access to all government services that Mexican nationals can obtain.
9. I do not plan to have any car insurance and I won't make any effort to learn local traffic laws or even read traffic signs in Spanish. No comprende.
10. Insure that all Mexican police officers attend diversity training on your personal orders as President and have it drilled into them that they must leave me alone, or risk a civil rights violation and job termination.
11. Make it mandatory that all current Mexican police officers learn to speak English. Insure that no new non-English-speaking police officers will be hired, or you will cut off federal funding for everything in that municipality.
12. I plan to have a nice job in Mexico without paying any taxes. Any attempts to remove me from employment in Mexico will result in a huge class-action civil rights lawsuit and mobilization of every American into the streets surrounding your residence. For weeks they will be waving American Mexican flags and endlessly chanting slogans. Every one of your weakness will be discovered and aired to the media incessantly. If we have to make up a few scandals, more the better, as the ends justifies the means, just like you believe.
13. Please mandate all the people in Mexico to be extremely nice and never say a critical word about me, or about the strain all us Americans are placing on the Mexican economy. Make a law that violators of this mandate will be immediately prosecuted for "hate speech."
14. Pass Mexican federal legislation that forbids checking for my citizenship at your voting booths. You must assign federal civil-rights police at each polling station to enforce compliance by immediately arresting violators.
15. All American voters in Mexico will be sure to elect only politicians who will grant all of the above and all our future demands. Eventually, only the U.S. flag will fly over all Mexican schools and government buildings. Welcome to New World rule by Americans.
16. We are planning on changing your nation's name from "Mexico" to "Americo." This is the only thing that will erase the prior humiliation of the oppressed American people at YOUR border as well as your outrageous theft of Texas.
I know this is an easy request because you are a "good neighbor" to the USA just like you say the USA must be a "good neighbor" to Mexico and allow all of the above benefits to her illegal entrants from Mexico without complaint.
Thank you so much for your cooperation. I know that you will give me, my family and tens of thousands of my friends and relatives the same rights and benefits that you demand for those entering the USA from your country.