THE LIBERTARIAN ENTERPRISE
Number 384, September 10, 2006
"In my book, I'm number one."
Credit The Libertarian Enterprise
Re.: "Tonight, We Dine On The Virgin Mary", by Jonathan David Morris [in the last issue.]
I have been commanded by the powers of the Virgin, to respond to your wisecrack remarks on how it is she appears in the most unlikely places:
Listen here, you little dickweed, your impertinence shall be addressed in short order!
Firstly, in reply to your questions?
And besides, who in their right mind would see an image of myself in a puddle of urine, or a pile of. . .
Well, you get my drift. I don't hang out in such places anyway! So there!
Regarding Post-it Notes®?
I don't need no steenking pieces of paper to make myself known, you, you, you heathen, you!
Back to the food issue.
If people see my image in their food, then that connects DIRECTLY from their tummy to their noggin. Capiche? Savy? Goodie!
Yet MORE on the food issue.
And what the hell is this crap about paper notes? Are you fixated with paper thingies?
And besides: If I were to leave you a paper note with my name affixed, would you believe the note more than an image affixed to an edible article?
Even MORE on the food issue.
If a piece of food had your girlfriend's face on it, what you do?
Would you fondle it, play with it, or save it as a memento?
Would you eat it? And if you did, just WHAT would be going through your mind?
With regards to that last question: Keep it clean, hoser!
Still more on the food issue.
Regarding vegetarians and eating?
He was a fisherman. Do you figure that he fished for the fun of it?!!
And, no, I ain't talk'n about some card game either, you fool!
How do you suppose he demonstrated his ability to walk upon the waters?
Do you think he was 'out there' to water ski, or something. . . ?
Cool, you ask?
Try walking upon the waters some time, and then tell ME how cool that is!!
In the matter of breakfast cereals.
What if you bite into a hefty steak, and it moos at you?
What if barks or meows? What then?
Regarding confusing images.
In the matter of Bill O'Reilly.
Regarding your sunglasses.
Did you burp when you were done eating?
If so, why?
If not, why not?
When you can truthfully reply to those questions, I'll tell you who stole your glasses!
Regarding the bathroom.
Another remark regarding the bathroom
Regarding painted pictures of myself.
Wouldn't that be counterproductive?
Would you care to see two of yourself in every picture of yourselfeverywhere you went?
A question regarding the last.
Regarding matters of the Prophet.
The rest of us merely watch them engage in their own self-destruction.
When you find that you can't laugh at yourself, then you've taken yourself way too seriously!
Chocolates, you say? Care to send some my way? Hmmm, sweetie?
One to three, ye ask?
In my book, I'm number one.
You are therefore, number two. . . Get my drift?
So, it must be the number three!
In the matter of James Lipton
How about: 'The 79th's Farewell to Gibraltar' with 300 pipes and drums?
Oh my! The glory of it all, watching such a sinner being marched off into the infernal blazes!!
Regarding a dinner date
I'll show up when hell freezes over!