Big Head Press

L. Neil Smith's
Number 398, December 17, 2006

"The Great Moratorium"


A Non-Libertarian Point Of View
by Andrew G. Eggleston Sr.

Credit The Libertarian Enterprise

This was sent to me by a friend who fails to understand the Libertarian Principles and Goals; allow me to bleed some corrections onto this piece. My friends, if I miss something or get a principle wrong—feel free to contact me and let me know. We all continue learning until we begin dying.


First of all. . . if it were a Demolitioncrat or Repossessican they wouldn't be stating a Libertarian point of view, they would be stating the party line.

    My Fellow Americans: As you all know, the defeat of Iraq regime has been completed.

This means that the government removed its puppet dictator from power and demolished the country's infrastructure and feels that they can do no more appreciable damage.

    Since congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission in Iraq is complete.

Who cares what congress wants? The LP stance would be that in order to begin repairing the damage done to the American way of life, the government will stop using your stolen tax monies to pay for a war.

    This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now time to begin the reckoning.

Good, this nearly amounts to a Libertarian statement, but considering the source I would be wary of any "reckoning".

    Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short. The United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, Australia, and Poland are some of the countries listed there.

Okay, thank you notes all around.

    The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the world's nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing copies of both lists later this evening.

Neato, a president that makes lists of countries, finally a job that a president can do properly, if he needs help he could call the National Geographic Society.

    Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely.

Again, to quote a Libertarian point of view we would like to cease giving any foreign aid to all countries. It's not our concern to interfere with the internal economics, and in extension, internal policies and governing of the entire world. We would also like to point out that this constant extension of credit to the rest of the world has made the American dollar nearly worthless, and all at the illegal expense of the American taxpayer.

    The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war. The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world Hell-holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption. Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France.

Okay, here I'm a little fuzzy. As I understand it, the war has already been "paid for" by the ruling Boot On Your Neck party. (You might find it interesting to note that Lyndon Johnson's buddies Brown & Root, who dredged Cam Rahn Bay, also happen to be buddies of another Texan, and that they got a contract to do some dredging off the shores of Iraq.) Sorry, I got distracted. If we have ended foreign aid then the second sentence is repetitive, save that it is stated in the correct person (The American People). And finally, if someone has an unfortunate epidemic, flood, or famine due to unavoidable circumstances—let them solicit the world at large for help, Americans are known for their generosity and would most likely lend a hand. We would not recommend the suffering look to a specific country; Libertarians would allow those effected to solicit who they chose to solicit.

    In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this money toward solving the vexing social problems we still havat home;

Stop, the LP stance is and has always been that these darned Federalists have stolen and "redirected" far too much money from the American People, a Libertarian would simply stop taking what doesn't belong to them—that would better "solve the vexing social problems we still have at home".

    on that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth.

To all who would initiate force against free people, I would caution you, we have guns and are not afraid to use them. . . accurately.

    Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France, or maybe China.

Not even in the Libertarian language, we don't advocate aggression, we don't advocate aggression, we don't advocate aggression—do you get it!

    I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France, Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis.

All of this is pointless, severing diplomatic relations is for governments with agendas of their own, not the will of the free people or a Libertarian point of view.

    I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid parking tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this. You creeps have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers and limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York.

I don't love New York that much; I don't presume to speak for others in the party, however, the theft of personal property for unpaid illegal taxes is an initiation of force! This is definitely not a Libertarian attitude, stop me if you've heard this one; we don't advocate aggression, we don't advocate aggression, we don't advocate aggression—do you get it yet?

    A special note to our neighbors, Canada is on List 2. Since we are likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not pissing us off for a change.

Cruel, Republican in attitude, but possibly a Libertarian statement.

    Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox and his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I will have a couple extra tank and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I am going to put them? Yep, border security. So start doing something with your oil.

Would you like the Mexican government to do the same thing to the American border in a good old fashioned Mexican Stand-off? Well the Libertarians would not, we would teach those oppressed beneath the heel of President Fox to stand for Liberty and Freedom, to defend themselves, their families and homes, with guns if necessary. We also don't much care what they do with their oil.

    Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty—starting now. We are tired of the one-way highway.

The NAFTA treaty is unnecessary anyway, allow a Libertarian to make policy and there won't be any policy.

    Immediately, we'll be drilling for oil in Alaska—which will take care of this country's oil needs for decades to come. If you're an environmentalist who opposes this decision, I refer you to List 2 above: pick a country and move there. They care.

It is not a function of government to "allow" or "not allow", especially when it comes to making a profit or opposing those who exploit to make the profit, those are freedoms (See First Amendment)—that's the Libertarian point of view.

    It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens. Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by saying, "darn tootin." Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to eliminate homelessness in America.

Look, look, a clearly Libertarian point of view, amazing! Leave us alone, we will leave you alone, and everyone can succeed or fail on their efforts.

    It is time to eliminate World Cup Soccer from America.

I don't think the party has a stance on World Cup Soccer; that would be for each individual to decide for themselves.

    To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks guys. We owe you and we won't forget.

Yes, Thank You notes all around.

    To the nations on List 2, a final thought: You might want to learn to speak Arabic. God bless America. Thank you and good night.

Rather, you might want to come visit and see how a freedom developing nation works, you can join us and we will treat you as equals, and you don't even have to live here—you can keep your home, and maybe make it a better place for you and your neighbors to live thrive and be FREE.

* * *

I would like to add here, that at publication, Friday last (Dec 15) was Bill of Rights day. Just exactly what we are supposed to do to celebrate the Bill of Rights in a country where so much of the document is ignored is a mystery. Given that someone, somewhere determined that Dec 15 is Bill of Rights Day—that's good enough for me; I'll be hoisting a beer to celebrate.

To all of my fellow libertarians, we may not agree on much, but what do agree on is important. I support Bill of Rights Enforcement and agree with the Zero Aggression Principle, two very simple things, please consider getting behind these ideas. Freedom of speech does not only pertain to things that are unimportant, but also to those things that matter a great deal. The ridiculous and the grotesque alike must be allowed for all to be free; we must all also agree to not initiate force against another. There is no liberty today; we are under constant attack by those who would continue to curtail our freedoms. We do not profit in our pursuit of happiness, we are allowed to keep as much as the government has decided we need—after they get their cut. For those who still don't see the similarities, the government taking your money is called a protection racket; we arrest people who do this kind of thing because it is a crime. Taxation of income was begun by the great socialist A. Lincoln; only to be declared unconstitutional. All that is left to us is our life, but what kind of life, when we can be arrested at anytime and held, charged with crimes we did not commit, and set away from those who would help us. Our life's works seized or destroyed and our families terrorized.

We hold these truths to be self-evident; that all people are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights; that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness.

So we Declared, so we should live.


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