The Fuzzy Bunny Militia

By Tom Creasing
[email protected]

Exclusive to The Libertarian Enterprise

          Good evening ladies and gentlemen and welcome to the informational meeting of the Fuzzy Bunny Militia. I'd like to thank all of you for taking the time to be here tonight and for the interest that shows in the cause of liberty.
          Libertarians that we are, there will be a minimum of rules. Besides the all-important "No Initiation of Force" rule, for reasons that I will make clear in a moment, there is only one other rule members will be expected to adhere to. That rule is simply that members are expected, at all times, to refer to this group as the "Fuzzy Bunny Militia." "The Fuzzy Bunnies," while a bit casual, is acceptable, but under no circumstances will any other appellation, such as "F.B. Militia" be used.
          That's all right folks, I understand. Yes, the "Death-Dealing Muy Macho Assault Squad" is meeting just down the hall. Please give them my regards.
          For those of you who remained, tonight's meeting will be brief and to the point. I would like to present to you the rationale for our group, the reasoning behind the name, and a quick overview of what our activities will consist of. I fully expect to lose some of you at each stage, but am convinced that most of you will be back for the actual organizational meeting tomorrow.
          First the rationale for forming a militia. Federal law aside ... what's that ... oh, yes, "We don't need no Title 10, Section 311 USC." Thank you ma'am ... militias can be a good idea for several reasons. One reason is that they promote a sense of unity among the members. Being with other people with similar views on a regular basis builds a sense of community. You come to recognize that these are friends you can depend on.
          Another benefit harks back to the old adage about "hanging together or hanging separately." There may come a time, and we all pray it won't, that being in a small cohesive group can be a major benefit. Look at the aftermath of Hurricane Andrew, for instance, where valuable time was lost organizing ad hoc groups to replace those fragile government services.
          I guess the question that's really weighing on your minds, though, is "why the 'Fuzzy Bunny Militia'?" Again, there are at least a couple of good reasons for selecting that particular name, although the members of the organizing committee did make a strong case for "Cuddly Puppy Militia."
          Let's look at the most extreme example first.
          Presume that the "ultimate ugly" happens, and we find ourselves going toe to toe with the Minions of Evil. Picture yourself as a commander in the M of E, reviewing your intelligence reports. On the left flank you're facing the "Super Death-and-Destruction Annihilator Attack Machines", while on the right you have the "Fuzzy Bunny Militia." Which of those two would you select to receive the attentions of your heavy artillery and crew-served weapons?
          Less extreme example: Hurricane Melvin levels a good part of our lovely town here. Some of you might think that the words "Fuzzy Bunny" are not going to deter looting and pillaging, but L&P types aren't going to be looking at a name, they're just going to see organized and disciplined -- what, that's right, self organized and self disciplined -- members of the community working to keep it safe.
          Finally, one of the most common dangers today for militia members is that some police agency, looking for a spectacular arrest, will infiltrate the group and manufacture a bunch of charges against them. Isn't that right, Joe? Now, now, Joe, it's nothing to be too ashamed of. We understand that those mortgage payments are getting harder to make. It would be nice if you'd believe me that we're not going to be robbing banks, building machine guns, or blowing things up, but I suppose your bosses need to justify their snitch budget somehow.
          Where was I?
          That's right, whenever Joe back there fills out his report, he's going to have to write "Fuzzy Bunny Militia" again and again. Imagine trying to get a judge to issue a warrant against the "Fuzzy Bunny Militia." Or better still, picture it in court: some prosecutor trying to convince a jury (and the public) about the sociopathic "Fuzzy Bunny Militia." Not, of course, that we would do anything to end up in court.
          This brings us to our final informational point, that being, "What are we going to do?" Sadly for the First and Second Amendments, we live in a state that prohibits so-called "paramilitary activity." This means we're not supposed to go out and train in military skills to be used in times of civil disorder. Fortunately we're not going to do anything of that nature. What we are going to do is aid and assist our sister organization, the "Fuzzy Bunny Wargame Society", in recreating its gaming events. In other words, much as the Civil War or World War II recreators play on weekends, so shall we. The difference, though, is that our gaming society will work out various scenarios on one day and we'll see how they work out in real life on the next.
          Now, this is no guarantee that we'll avoid official notice, but again, it sure seems to be better to latch onto a time-honored format than to try to come up with something out of thin air.
          I'd like to thank you all again for coming this evening. Head on home, think about our fine little group here, and we'll see all you interested people back here tomorrow. And remember: all of this information was presented for entertainment purposes only. Don't try this at home, kids, the Fuzzy Bunny Militia are highly trained amateurs.
          Which, of course, is the only kind of military unit to be.

Tom Creasing is an Oregon attorney who, when he isn't practicing law, spends his time reminding the publisher of his many foibles.

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