Treasonous Muckspouts, by Michael J. Bates

Special to TLE

"Other than supporting The Bill of Rights, does anything constitute treason in this country any more?" -- Minority Mike

I stopped by the Last Ditch Attempt Political Observer & Disseminator (Guns & Bait on the masthead) today to talk with my ol' friend Ben Wornslick. Ben is the owner and editor of this weekly rag which folks around here refer to as The PO'D. If you haven't seen it, just look in the bottom of any bird cage in town and you'll find a copy. Ben's been in the newspaper business since Guttenberg was wearin' little short pants so he's seen quite a few politicians and government officials come and go over the years an' he swears the current crop is the worst bunch of totalitarian feebs he's ever had the displeasure to report on. "More scum than the grease trap down at Reynaldo's Guns & Bait & Mexican Fiesta Bar & Grill", is how Ben puts it.

We put our heads together to try an' come up with a word that was printable in a family newspaper that would describe these droopers. Ben an' I had worked our way through a bottle of Ole Be Joyful an' were just about to get up offa the floor an' give up on the whole idea when a lady named Helen Gone from up Williamston way come in an' gave us just the word we'd been lookin' for. The word is: MUCKSPOUTS. Ben says it'll look great as a headline an' besides that he can spell it. So I'm writin' this for Ben's paper while he sets up his presses to run another edition of what he calls The Fish-Wrap Gazette.

These here are some true professionals at the art of MUCKSPOUT.

ALBERT GORE -- Vice-Lyin'-Sack in charge of gettin' himself elected Lyin'-Sack-in Chief. I'd have to be able to write a thousand words a minute in order to cover all the sewage this World Socialism Poster Boy has projectile vomited over the years, so I'll just touch on a couple of things and then sterilize my hands.

Al's China Doll, Maria Hsia, got caught with her hands in the illegal-campaign-contribution cookie jar the other day and now he's vowing to slam the lid on the fingers of everybody else. There's nothing more tiresome than a reformed whore, Al, and isn't it amazing how every time you get caught doing something treasonous you suddenly get religion? Maria Hsia is a Chinese Communist, you Quisling slug, and you took money from her, and if that's not treason, will you kindly feel the pain I'm suffering trying to figure out what is?

The recent revelations of the Clinton-Gore-DNC campaign finance chicanery have been shrugged off by the Clinton administration as "old news" and I'd like to take this opportunity to point out to them that with age, old news, like sewage, begins to smell even worse. Seems to me an honest man would welcome an investigation to prove he wasn't a lyin' stinker. But that's not the way the elitist socialists at the DNC see it. Here's their take on what the unwashed masses think of the recent Gore political influence rummage sale.

Former DNC press secretary Terry Michael says, "People find all this irrelevant in terms of things that affect their lives. They see it as just politics." Terry and Al are countin' on that and I'd like to let them know they're dead wrong. I find the probability that the Vice-President of the United States is taking money from Chinese Communists damn relevant in terms of affecting MY life you arrogant little bastard! Selling out my country may be "just politics" to you, but it's treason plain and simple to me.

Dennis Kanin, a fund-raiser for Dribblin' Bill Bradley had this to say, "I can't think of a case where people have voted on the basis of campaign finance violations." That's a sorry assessment of the American electorate and even sorrier still is the fact that it may be true. Electing flag-wavin' gangsters appears to have become the standard for those who feed at the trough of the liberal left.

JANET RENO -- Toxic waste dump with feet. Certified as a union brick layer after serving her apprenticeship building the stone walls she throws up in front of every investigation of the most unethical administration in the history of America. Fascist Shyster General whose concern "for the people" is shown by gassing, shooting and incinerating them at the drop of a Bible. I'm always amazed at how well Billy Jeff is able to make her dance and shake around the truth without the cameras ever revealing just who is pulling the strings that animate her.

While Reno turns a blind eye to the myriad illegalities and abuses of power commited by the Clinton-Gore Administration, she is more than willing to focus in completely on the private lives of Americans who are guilty of nothing other than being Americans. While the Scoundrel-in-Chief is free to assault women, sell missile technology to Communist Chinese, bilk people with phony land deals and smear the names and reputations of anyone he chooses, without benefit of evidence, Janet turns her brand of "law enforcement" loose on church congregations and anyone having the gall to use the Internet without her approval. Her incredible Fascist plans for policing the free speech of Americans present a threat to freedom that hasn't been seen since Hitler's war machine began rounding up and executing anyone who disagreed with him.

This arrogant, transparent and rancid example of a Clinton hit-woman is allowed to run loose with her storm troopers over the rights and property of Americans, while her co-conspirator in the White House sets up deals with the highest bidders for the yard sale of America. Reno's ability to see evil only in the American people she is sworn to protect, while finding no fault with the ones who would enslave and destroy those same Americans, is tunnel vision of the most treasonous order.

If Janet Reno represents law and order in America today, will someone please open the door and show the anarchists in to the living room? I've had enough "law and order", I'm ready for some justice, and it sure as hell isn't going to come from Reno's Justice Department

WILLIAM JEFFERSON CLINTON -- Degrader of the presidency, the country, the world and the human race. A man so vile even the LAWYERS don't want to be associated with him. The Socialist-in-Chief is racist, politically correct to and beyond the point of idiocy, and so totally and irredeemably corrupt that Satan himself will be hard pressed to find a hole deep enough for him in the hell he so richly deserves.

When Clinton isn't dancing around the bodies of crime victims, touting a "cure" that is proven to create more victims, he is busy vilifying those who would attempt to inject rational thought into any conversation concerning guns. A sociopathic liar of insane proportions, Clinton continues his obsessive efforts to disarm Americans in the name of "protecting them." Armed with junk science, high emotion, false and discredited statistics and a press corps of fawning liberal cowards, he will not rest until all Americans are left defenseless and at the mercy of a federal government that sees them only as sheep to be herded, fleeced and slaughtered.

This same man, this murderous dispenser of peace, is responsible for the deaths of thousands of innocents abroad. Should even the slightest whiff of yet another scandal fill the air, trust this monster to blow that odious fragrance away with bombs dropped on the unsuspecting. As the body count grows ever higher, Clinton, with the aid of a deaf, mute and blind Defense Department, a gutless and corrupt Congress, and a plethora of covert, deadly and autonomous agencies, continues to wage his one-man campaign of murder in the name of peace.

His shameless and ceaseless assaults on the Constitution and the truth have embarrassed and demoralized America for eight torturous years, yet Clinton's only concern is how his "legacy" will be recorded.

This is a man who vilifies those who would demand the right to defend themselves and murders those who can't. A man who glorifies the virtues of feminism and assaults women at every opportunity. A man who decries the unfairness and stupidity of racism and embraces racists as brothers and friends. A lover of children who defends the "right" to murder unborn babies. A proclaimer of honesty and ethics whose lack thereof is legion. A practitioner of slander, libel and character assassination who wants us all to get along. An adulterous philanderer who expounds on his love of family values. A defender of freedom who deems his personal whims national law with the stroke of a pen. The Commander-in-Chief who has rendered our armed forces virtually defenseless and totally demoralized. A man who claims to revere education, yet demonizes any thought or speech contrary to his own. A rallier of the misinformed and stupid who fall in behind him like sheep as he capers at the head of the parade to world socialism, and hence, slavery.

This is our President, and woe unto us, for truly he is the personification of treasonous MUCKSPOUT.

Ben got his press all ready to go but after he read what I wrote he said he was some surprised to see I wasn't in my usual humorous mood. I allowed as how he was right an' I was sorry about that.

I see my country bleeding and dying at the hands of people who care not a whit for anything other than there own selfish gains. I see my children growing into a world of slavery adorned with trendy causes and Fascist sound bytes disguised as popular thinking. I see the America my ancestors fought and died for being sold to the highest bidders for the profit of a treasonous elite. I see my family's freedoms stripped away from them by people who demand their allegiance and obedience at the point of their own government's guns. I see my right to dissent labeled as extremism by totalitarians who fly banners demanding "correct thinking."

I see America being stolen and sold to those who would destroy her and I find that not in the least bit amusing.

Minority Mike aka Michael J. Bates can be reached at [email protected]

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