Plenty of Frosting, Not Enough Cake, by Minority Mike

Special to TLE

Ever buy one of those fancy cakes you see in the grocery store? The kind that's about the size of a truck tire an' weighs as much as a cannon ball? Maybe it's got chocolate frosting all around the sides an' the top is all covered with cherries an' it looks so good you can't wait to get it home an' eat it all before the kids get to it. You get it home an' pull all the shades down, then you cut yourself off a hunk big enough to feed a village full of boat people an' you take that first bite. An' it tastes like cardboard mixed up with sawdust and cowflop all smothered in sugar! Here's some more ideas that are all frosting and no cake.

VOTER REGISTRATION DRIVES - Make your mark and you too can vote for the corrupt totalitarian of your choice. Every time there's an election for anything -- from President of The United States on down to Protector of The Great Spotted Suck Toad -- you'll find a bunch of strangers out there who can't wait to get people to sign up and join in on the latest election fraud being perpetrated on the masses. If you can sign your name -- even Al Gore can do it if Tipper's there to coach him -- you're declared capable of having your say in which born-rich criminal will be in charge of hosin' you for the next couple of years. Think about that for a minute.

That un-employed drunken bum down the street, the one who's always got a busted TV or a worn out sofa layin' out by the curb? He's a voter. There's a rusted out Dodge with a puddle of oil the size of lake Erie under it up on concrete blocks out in the street in front of his house and the "get out the vote" crew is busy encouraging him to vote his opinion on whether or not the city needs $5 million more of your hard earned tax dollars to clean up the area.

The local real estate tycoon, the one who built his latest housing tract on an old toxic waste dump? He's a voter too. He's supposed to "vote his conscience" on whether or not the planning commission should level the city park and let him build condominiums on it.

The soccer-mom next door? The one that's yakking on the phone and putting on make-up while she screams at the brats in the back of her mini-van and drives 50 mph through a school zone? Hell, she not only votes, she's probably the one signing up the other two guys!

And me? The fact is, on most ballot issues, I'm not any more qualified to cast a knowledgeable vote than these other droopers. Hell's bells, can you honestly say you understand every issue on the ballot you're handed? The wordage on the last bond issue I looked at would have had Albert Einstein scratchin' his head an' pickin' his nose. This stuff is all written by lawyers you know, the same bunch of folks who brought us all Bill and Hillary Clinton, Janet Reno, the Supreme Court and countless other disasters. That should send up some red flares for sure.

I'm sorry to say I don't have any snappy answers for this problem. All I know is this: As long as folks are voting for other folks based on what kind of clothes they wear or how many sound-bytes they can vomit out in a 30 second news spot, we're going to remain in deep trouble.

THE WAR ON DRUGS - Anybody remember that picture of Dick Nixon handing some kind of badge to a bloated and quite possibly stoned Elvis Presley in the White House a few years ago? Seen Elvis around lately? Care to guess who's running the war these days? A hunka-hunka burning hypocracy is what it is! Jailing people for using drugs has been about as effective as Clinton's murdering people to bring them peace. And just as costly. There are two million people in jail in this country and the majority of them are there on some kind of drug related charges. Have you noticed any decline in the anti-drug hysteria that passes for "public service" announcements? Noticed any crack houses going out of business due to a lack of interest over on the bad side of town lately? Has cocaine use really gone down? If so, why are the feds always bragging about how much of it they confiscated in their last raid? How do you explain the current regime's quiet efforts at getting Americans embroiled in another unwinable war of the drug variation down in Colombia? If confiscated drug money REALLY goes to improve education, how come our kids are graduating Magna Cum Stoopid?

The oldest drug used and abused by mankind is alcohol. It's responsible for more deaths, private property destruction, spousal and child abuse, birth defects and crime than all the stuff the feds are putting people in jail for, combined! By definition, alcohol is a drug, yet alcohol use is not only condoned, it is widely encouraged. Alcohol advertising is a multi-billion dollar industry for cryin' out loud! Alcohol companies sponsor everything from sporting events to (gasp) voter registration drives. Drunken drivers kill and maim more people and ruin more lives than any other drug in America and the feds couldn't care less. (Well and good, keep the damn government out of it or the next time you pop a cold one the velcroed stormtroopers will be kickin' in your door.)

One of the facts of life is: Drugs are a fact of life! No culture known to man has ever been without them and all the laws on earth won't stop them. Waging "war" on drug users is nothing more than a government mandated scam for stealing money and property from private citizens who choose to escape reality with something other than alcohol. The chief casualty in this war is personal liberty and the perpetrators are a federal government gone mad with greed for this cash cow. The feds know very well that every time they take controlled substances off the street in the name of protecting us the demand -- as well as the price for them -- increases.

Let's start treating the problems of drug and alcohol abuse and stop jailing the casual user. Instilling a sense of personal responsibility in our children will do far more to curb drug and alcohol abuse than jailing some pot-head for eating a jar of mayonnaise on a street corner at 3 in the morning. Educating people in regard to the causes of addictions, and the treatment of them, will do far more to advance the cause of personal freedom than midnight raids by government facists.

Y'all take care now hear?

Minority Mike aka Michael J. Bates can be reached at [email protected] His wife, Margaret helps him with the big words in the letters you write him.

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