The Condit Interview, by David M. Brown

Exclusive to TLE

Q. Congressman Condit, did you murder Chandra Levy?

A. Nobody can say that I have been anything but cooperative in this investigation. As to the details, the private details or whatever of my relationship with ... is it Chandra? ...Levy... we met with the police and on each occasion answered every question that was asked, so no, it was not a dumpster, it was just a regular trash can. On the street. They have them on street corners. And there was no connection.

Q. It was not a dumpster?

A. It was not a dumpster.

Q. But did you have an affair with Miss Levy and did you relate that fact immediately to the police, at the time that she disappeared? And prior to that, did you ever meet with her privately, for lunch or dinner or...

A. As to my lunch schedule, or whether I prefer diet Coke or diet Pepsi or what have you, whether I pork the interns or what have you, that kind of thing is a private matter, and I am entitled to some privacy in my life, for myself and for my family. And enough. Enough already. And I am trying to retain some dignity. And let me add this. Let me add this, that I have a very specific request from the Levy family to please continue not to admit anything nor to divulge any relevant information in a way that might be construed as unambiguous and straightforward, and I will abide by that heartfelt and specific injunction.

Q. The Levys specifically requested that?

A. Well, there was this comment made by a lawyer they retained, comment he made on some show, and one of my other interns who I'm not porking who was watching the show brought the comment to my attention, comment to the effect the Levy family is not interested in any details as to matters with regard to which they have been imploring me to be forthcoming for months now, and we have offered to meet with them, and I hope they can find her.

Q. Congressman Levy, why are you so full of crap?

A. As to whether I am full of crap or not full of crap, or what have you, that is a determination that the police have already made. There were four interviews with the police, and we also went to a ball game together, and they have said I am not a suspect, everybody is put in that kind of lineup, and nobody in Washington has ever cooperated more fully with this investigation than I have although perhaps not at the same glacial pace and it depends on what the meaning of "is" is.

Let me add also, that the best former FBI agent now alive, Joe Asscoverer, who also helped cover the ass of the agents involved in the Waco action, performed a polygraph test and relayed the results of the tenth round of that questioning to the police, and they have those results in hand now. Because I wanted the best in the business out of fairness to myself and to the Levy family and Sandy Levy herself.

Q. I think it's "Chandra."

A. Chandra.

Q. I think the police wanted their own polygraph test rather than one you hired, some private party. They wanted to conduct it themselves.

A. Fully cooperated at every juncture. We let them search the house, we let them search the office, and we cleaned out only a few things resembling evidence that were not actually evidence prior to the searches, because we were going to clean things up anyway, time for that weekly cleaning, everybody does that, cleans up and so forth. I have admitted that I have made mistakes. Everybody has. Let's move on.

Q. What kind of mistakes? Spelling mistakes?

A. There was "usufruct" and "hippopotamus" and I think possibly "stalagmite," that I got wrong on a sixth-grade spelling test. But I do not have the spelling test in front of me nor have the Levys ever requested the results of that test. That is ancient history.

Q. Okay.

A. And I think most of the American people would not expect that there would be demands, you know, from the media and so forth, for spelling test results from their sixth-grade class of decades ago. Because that is not going to help us find Sally, not at all.

Q. Chandra.

A. Chandra. Whatever. It's hard for me to keep track of all the babes my wife has whacked. No disrespect to the Levys.

Q. Thank you, Congressman. That's all the time we have.

A. Yeah, okay.

David M. Brown is a freelance writer and editor.

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