Propagandamercial: Your Wonderful War on Drugs, by Keith Shugarts

Special to TLE

The Orifice of Drug Control Propaganda is proud to bring you the following propagandamercial. Now with 60% more words for your parsing pleasure.

If you loved what we the government did with the War on Poverty, get ready to become absolutely giddy about the War on Drugs.

We'd like to point to the overwhelming success the War on Drugs has had on ridding the country of that pesky notion of individual liberty and individual sovereignty.

Through this series you'll learn that the actual outcomes of these wars is unimportant because we really don't care what happens, we just want more power, more of your money, and more of your individual freedom!

The War on Drugs started in 1973 as a small an insignificant part of the government - ok, we the government know that there aren't any insignificant parts of government, only insignificant individuals.

Government programs usually start out small, but they don't stay that way for long! With the convictions of those nice Senators and Representatives that you send to Washington, DC that they know better than you, the programs just grow and grow! And look at the War of Drugs now!

The War on Drugs has grown to nearly obscure any semblance of individual freedom and liberty. Mr. Haldeman, Richard M. Nixon's advisor told him it was a sexy topic, oooo weeee baby! And boy, how this little War on Drugs has grown. We the government are so proud! With the help of those Congressmen that you've elected to represent you - what? You say your representative doesn't represent your opinions? Well, you know this is a democracy where the majority rules so quit your bitching.

After all, through your voting, you advocate and delegate the initiation of force to the police and the courts so what are you complaining about when we the government use it against you? I mean, you DO like the police and courts now don't you? They provide you with social benefits; like waking you up at 2am in the morning as they crash through your door to the sounds of concussion grenades, or ruling in favor of larger and larger leeway for the government in looting your individual freedoms and liberty. Hey, it's socially beneficial so you really shouldn't whine!

Our little War on Drugs has grown from consuming only 700 thousand dollars in 1973, to the consumption of more than 18 billion dollars in 2002. We the government have hundreds of smaller agencies dependent on the confiscation of your money! Of that 18 billion dollars, 200 million is dedicated to propaganda programs and 500 million dollars is dedicated to indoctrinating our young people through the D.A.R.E program. That way your little children won't have to worry about considerations of such weighty items such as individual freedom and liberty.

In a little bit more than a generation we the government been able to get people to give up the notion of 4th Amendment Protection - you know, the idea that you should be secure in your home and your possession? Excuse me while I pause to laugh. Well, now the police can seize your car, your money, and anything else you have on you even if they only suspect that you might be engaged in carrying drugs.

Doesn't it make you safer knowing that someone living beside you cannot engage in illegal activities in their own home or on their own property?

Of course you know that you really do not own your own property. I mean please, be serious. We the government do. I know, I know, you pay property taxes and the mortgage. But should you decide to actually try and act freely on your own land, well, we the government will just come and take it from you because obviously you must not know how to act correctly.

Leave garbage out alongside the road for the trash men to pick up? Well, if the DEA or your local drug enforcement task force suspects that you are dealing drugs, using drugs, or even thinking about drugs, we can go out and go through your trash.

What about asset forfeiture? My god, can you imagine how poor local law enforcement would be if they weren't able to profit from the sale of assets forfeited by those bad drug dealers and users of drugs? They might not be able to purchase armored cars for breaking into crack houses.

And these aren't the best things. The best thing about the War on Drug is that we the government created it. We the government have created all the wars really tee hee hee - and the best part (stifled chuckle) is that you enjoy it when we do and cheer us on! Do you know what? You'll want us to do it again and again and again.

Our prohibition against certain drugs has created a demand that is going to be filled by entrepreneurs who are willing to risk getting caught dealing drugs to make themselves rich. The threat of drug gangs in the inner cities allow us to actually close down large sections of the city without any complaint from the compliant population - we the government demand ID to travel through these sections, are allowed to stop and question anyone we want, and basically make the law - weeeeeeeeeee what fun!

Learning the lessons from alcohol prohibition, we the government call these entrepreneurs drug dealers and use the bogey man's aspect of them to scare you so you force us to push through wonderful legislation like being able to stop you and search you if you fit a certain profile - hey, it's a social benefit to keep people who think like you do off the street, it is dangerous to have someone thinking for themselves.

Alcohol prohibition allowed us to ban automatic weaponry from the hands of individuals and you've delegated us the power to allow the BATF knock down your doors to get it. Through the help of the demonization of drugs we the government have been able to make many other things illegal and doesn't that make you feel better?

Yes, we the government want to help you rid yourself of the troublesome notion that you are a free and sovereign individual. If you would only give us a little of your individual freedom for the benefit of society it won't really hurt - and we can take it out in convenient incremental payments so you don't notice its loss.

Remember to consider the competing harms. Which is worse, giving up a little of your individual freedom to we the government - your kids will kiss and hug you and get straight 'A's - or actually being able to make your own - your kids will die from drugs! - decisions. The choice - your son is selling his body on the street for cocaine - is all up to you.

We the government thank you for providing us with the money used to create this program. I know it is hard to do without a great percentage of your paycheck but didn't we go over that in the last program? Of course we did.

All hail our tyrant and chief Mad King George!

Next week, we'll talk about the great opportunity you have to support the War on Terrorism.

Bio: Keith was born; now he is living, and someday he will die unless he makes a deal with the Devil. At some point in his life he acquired a college degree in history. Sovereign individuals do not need to initiate force, or advocate or delegate its initiation.

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