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Attribute to L. Neil Smith’s The Libertarian Enterprise

The other day, Alexandria, I read about your infantile complaint that, when the collapsing New York Times decided, in their desperation, to publish a story and a photograph about former Presidential staffer Hope Hicks (she was getting a subpoena from the cockroaches and maggots on your side of the aisle in Congress), they had the temerity to make her look pretty.

How dare they!

I have a few observations about that.

The first is that Hope Hicks doesn’t need the Times to make her look pretty, and no amount of whimpering about it from you, or anybody else will change that. She is, without question, a beautiful young woman, whom people everywhere—with the possible exception of you and your ugly liberal step-sisters—enjoy looking at. She is imbued with an impressive poise and grace that any female might well wish to possess. Sorry, Alexandria, but there isn’t any more politically correct way to say it.

But I’m basically an anthropologist by persuasion, which brings up an interesting phenomenon, a glittering facet of reality, you might say, that you would probably rather not think too much about. The incontrovertible fact is that conservative and libertarian females are generally much more attractive, even well into middle age, than their progressive or socialist counterparts. For a double handful of examples, consider the “girls” of FOX News; I call them the “Barbies” but I mean it with admiration and affection. Most of them are attorneys and over 40.

There is a simple reason for this. The left wing, in my experience, boils over with dark, bitter, churning hatred, envy, and resentment. The right wing does not, despite endless leftist propaganda to the contrary. They are basically happy individuals, independent and self-determined.

Over my seven decades, I have observed that whatever you are on the inside sooner or later migrates to the outside and drips off your nose and chin. Hillary Clinton could have been mildly attractive if she’d just been a decent human being. It’s downright painful to look upon the disintegrating visages of Nancy Pelosi and Dianne Feinstein. Right now, most men would admit that you’re kind of cute, Alexandria—except for those crazy ex-girlfriend eyes of yours (Do you happen to be related to Adam Schiff?)—but I’m afraid that you are doomed to end up looking like Madeleine Albright.

Hope Hicks will remain remarkably beautiful for a long, long time because, it’s my impression, she’s fundamentally a decent human being inside. If you’d like to try to stay pretty the same way, I strongly urge you to jettison the hate-filled, worn out beliefs of Karl Marx and Saul Alinsky, and take up the life-affirming works of Robert LeFevre (look him up), Robert A. Heinlein, and Ayn Rand. You might give my books a try, as well—as Jessica Rabbit would say, they’ll make you laugh.