L. Neil Smith's
Number 75, June 5, 2000

Al & Bill vs Electrolux

by Minority Mike

Special to TLE

I may be havin' one of them flashbacks they used to promise us back in the '60's. I don't know for sure, but this here fell outta me the other day, an' I'm not usually such a deep thinker.

Electrolux - Cast iron and steel vacuum cleaner -- on little chrome skids. Your mother used to drag one of these around the house like she was a draft horse.
Al Gore - Cast iron and pot-metal vacuum head -- on little Chinese communist sandals. Your mother used to tell you to stay away from these.
Bill Clinton - Pig iron and Teflon liberty-vacuum -- on the backs of Americans. Your mother used to beat you with a switch if she caught you anywhere NEAR one of these.

Electrolux - An inanimate, defenseless machine.
Al Gore - Wants Americans the same way.
Bill Clinton - Doing his damndest to make sure Al GETS his way.

Electrolux - Comes with a great big long hose and a pointy tool for cleaning in the corners.
Al Gore - Comes with a teeny tiny hose and a pointy head for hiding in the corners everytime he gets caught breaking another law.
Bill Clinton - Comes with an assault hose and a pointy head for attacking women in the corners.

Electrolux - Capable of sucking the butt out of a cat.
Al Gore - Capable of sucking the power out of the Constitution.
Bill Clinton - Capable of sucking the freedom out of every human being on the face of the earth for generations to come.

Electrolux - 25 foot power cord you plug in to an outlet.
Al Gore - 6 foot strings attatched to whoever writes him the biggest checks.
Bill Clinton - 1 foot string coming out of his back which when pulled activates a whiney voice that denies everything about anything.

Electrolux - Cleans rugs.
Al Gore - Needs a rug.
Bill Clinton - Lies like a rug.

Electrolux - Can't speak.
Al Gore - Can't speak the truth.
Bill Clinton - Speaks only crap-speak.

Electrolux - Comes with a removable bag for emptying out the dirt.
Al Gore - Comes with a medicated bag named Tipper who denies the dirt.
Bill Clinton - Comes with a hideous bag named Hillary who helps him wallow in the dirt.

Electrolux - Can't read, write, think, or feel pain.
Al Gore - Reads teleprompters, writes lies, incapable of thinking, feels your pain.
Bill Clinton - Reads TV Guide, writes Larry Flynt, thinks he's God, feels your wife.

Electrolux - Parts made in America
Al Gore - Parts bought by the communist Chinese.
Bill Clinton - Parts company with the truth every time his lips move.

Electrolux - Labor saving device.
Al Gore - Labor union pandering device.
Bill Clinton - Never done an honest day's labor in his life.

Electrolux - Tough to carry up the stairs.
Al Gore - Wants the stairs replaced with a level playing field.
Bill Clinton - Wants you to define "stairs."

Electrolux - Built like a '53 Buick.
Al Gore - Built like a '59 Edsel.
Bill Clinton - Built like the pot-bellied pig he is. (My apologies to the pot-bellied pigs)

Electrolux - Has run perfectly -- on a daily basis -- for years.
Al Gore - Has run off at the mouth -- on a daily basis -- for years.
Bill Clinton - Has run away from personal responsibility -- on a daily basis -- for years.

Electrolux - Made in America.
Al Gore - Made in the back seat of a Hupmobile.
Bill Clinton - Made America the most hated country on the planet.

Electrolux - Painted sky blue for enhancing home decor.
Al Gore - Painted to suit whoever he's taking money from.
Bill Clinton - Painted any color that will get him the most money and invitations to parties full of women he's not married to.

Electrolux - Makes a loud noise that scares the hell out of the dog and cat.
Al Gore - Makes a loud noise that puts everybody who hears it to sleep.
Bill Clinton - Makes a loud noise that scares the hell out of anyone with an IQ over 50.

Electrolux - Powered by electricity.
Al Gore - Powered by hot air.
Bill Clinton - Powered by the most corrupt administration in the history of America.

Electrolux - Guaranteed for at least 25 years.
Al Gore - Deserves to get at least 25 years.
Bill Clinton - Deserves to get at least 25 years in the gas chamber.

Electrolux - Still in business -- far as I know.
Al Gore - Giving us the business -- no doubt about it.
Bill Clinton - Merrily going about his business -- the destruction of America.

I've got to go lay down an' rest my weary head now. Y'all decide for your own selves just who sucks the most. My momma's still got her Electrolux, an' it still works like it's supposed to. That's a damn sight more than I can say for those other two yahoos, an' I think that sucks! Y'all take care now, hear.

Minority Mike aka Michael J. Bates can be reached at thunder_foot@hotmail.com His wife, Margaret, helps him with the big words in the letters you write him.

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