L. Neil Smith's
Number 99, November 20, 2000
Who Wants to be a President?

Hold the Malaise, Please

by Potter

Special to TLE

It's got to stop. They're murdering the language!

Get old books, ... quickly! Heinlein books, Rand's Atlas Shrugged, and dictionaries, ... especially old dictionaries.

Read. Learn stuff while you still can. Life is really short, Bubby, ... trust me on this one. Learn stuff before the malevolent millennial tidal wave of maggot gagging, putrid Political Correctness erodes every worthwhile thing in the world away in its inexorable and destructive quest for equally distributed mediocrity.

Realize quickly that runaway, Orwellian style linguistic revisionism, and insidiously overt and unashamed thought control are epidemically rampant conditions nowadays, and that the wise old guys that really know stuff about freedom and liberty are all dead and dying­­­fast.

All the while, New Worlders everywhere are pumping smoke up the butts of the new generations' kids so fast and hard that legions of fresh new government slaves and masters are everywhere, breeding like rabbits before our very eyes.

... And that, good reader, requires a lot of critical NON-thinking, ... by them AND us.

Just look at the kind of thing that the glorious new-age marvel of computer technology, and that much bally-hooed and eulogised panacea of academic scholarship, the internet "information highway" are producing, night and day, monotonous cyber-ream after cyber-ream.

A guy in a forum online the other day wrote this jewel, "... Again, ... in all do respect." And this was not a simple typo, either, mind you. The guy writes tortured stuff like this all the time, beauts like, "I'm waiting with faded breath ..." and references to "deformation of character."

I mean, this shit's killing me! Young people can't even speak in complete sentences anymore, and even their dutiful and youthful teachers might intimate that,

"they're talking and reading real good, specially since they got rid of those pesky, outdated and dehumanizing, extremely hurtful grading systems."

"Yep-urr, ....they're feeling real good about theirselves now, ... and we feel they got a whole fresh attitude around 'em, and comprehension skills has got real high, lately," ya know what I mean? And it ain't only basic verbal skills these puerile products of our modern government conditioning camps lack and struggle with when they're not too busy watching Mtv, ....but simple rudimentary number skills, as well. I know first hand that college kids, ....and yes, even young teachers moonlighting as waitresses, ....positively cannot function without calculators when writing up dinner cheques!

We're talking 1st grade addition computations here, folks. ...and these are the people teaching and learning in schools today?!? Heaven preserve us.

A friend told me the other day that his 10 year old daughter hadn't been taught simple weights and measures in school yet. Let's see, now ....how many quarts in a gallon? "Stay at least 10 feet away from that tiger's cage, Junior!"

"Huh? ....wha...?"

In the immortal words of the irascible and unforgetable Elaine Benes (undisciplined tv programming reference here, ...sorry),

"Get OUT!.."

All of this basic mental ineptitude isn't only irritating, ....or just merely annoying, either. It's downright frigging dangerous!

All you crusty, hardened, 50-something tv watching veterans out there know only tediously too well that, "....a mind is a terrible thing to waste." Well, let me tell ya, Sweetheart, a free, democratic representative republic's national collective mind when wasted, spells the irreversible doom of the whole damned nation.

I don't want to be overly harsh here, but I mean, "Hey, BaBa, get with the freaking program!"

If you believe that the "majority rules" theory of government even closely resembles constitutionally affirmed law and order, you might want to wrap your deprived and atrophied little brain stem around this precious nugget:

....when you and your slavish, plump sheep butt and a couple of big bad wolves inevitably wind up getting together to vote on what to have for dinner some night, I guarantee you, Honey, it ain't gonna be tofu burgers on the menu.

Does it kill you like it kills me how everyone always opines how this is such a great and free country? What the hell is so free about it, I ask you? Tell me how we are free ....free to be slaves?

You work until June to pay tribute and give sustenance to vast phalanxes of butch State Police troopers and porcine, waddling sheriffs and assorted jailers, ....not to speak of those vertiginously multiplying, mindless automatonic SWAT team armies. These ultimate and deadly extensions of puffed-up magistrates and bureaucrats everywhere are frighteningly commonplace in our Brave New World, routinely striking misidentified and unfortunate, peaceable and innocent victims, mostly with an insane and frothing, gung-ho, maniacal overkill. We didn't even mention all the cool super-macho global domination type stuff, either, did we ....like war ships, and intermittent tomahawk cruise missile showers?

The harsh reality is that if you're paying money to the government, you're financing some seriously heavy bad-ass shit, man. Hey, ....I'm sorry, but it's all true. True, true, true!

But back to the homefront. Comedian Chris Rock wowed them on Letterman the other night, (yes I watch the damned tv ....I can't help myself) making wry observations about stark general realities that most trusting and naïve type folks would hardly dare openly consider, much less discuss. With the refreshing tell-it-like-it-is, in-your-face style of eloquent delivery that makes him so appealing, Rock answered Letterman's polemic probes about his private audience with Billy Jeff Clinton something like this:

"Man, I ain't gonna tell you no government secrets! Next thing you know, muthas be blowin' up my damn house!"

Rock deftly lays bare the grim slimy truth and makes you laugh about it all the while.

Now, how about a little racial non sequitur just as an easy way out of a cohesive ending to this rant?

Let's just say that Rock's shining star hangs on his uncanny ability to totally cut through issues like race, directly to the heart of purely human issues, ....like calling an asshole an asshole­­­doesn't matter if his skin is striped bright green and orange! Rock's genuine wide-eyed brand of brutally direct honesty is an enormously endearing quality, appealing to humans of ALL colours.

Seriously, though, here's the real low down, the hot skinny, the sine qua non of truly living the free life: You've got to learn to read, and write, and think independently in order to protect yourself from predatory government. This is, of course, curriculum not covered in any government school.

So, summing up, to regain your own personal freedom beginning immediately, you must be smart enough to take full responsibility for your own maintenance and wellbeing, disassociating yourself from the entangling tentacles of onerous government as completely as possible. The sad, hard truth must be faced, and the truth is that the closer you get to government, the more likely you are to be burned.

....So, please, ....hold the malaise, will ya?

Hey, ....I didn't want this toasted!


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