L. Neil Smith's
Number 221, April 28, 2003


Kapt. Kanada Locates Elusive Iraqi 'WMDS'!
—And Five Other Major News Scoops

by Manuel Miles

Special to TLE

As we pause between imperial invasions, allow me to share some revelations (Nostradamus got nothin' on me, man), in no particular order:

1. The "WMD's" will be found at the same place (and time) as the 100 000 "massacred Albanians" of Serbia's Kosovo province. "And where," I hear you ask, "is that, exactly?" Here's your first hint: where the sun do not shine, the rain do not fall and the White House maid ain't likely to look when doing the spring cleaning in little Georgie Bubbaya's room.

The government-mouthpiece media of the entire "western world" seem to be suffering the same outbreak of CRS [see my article on this topic in a previous edition of TLE] in regard to the pre-invasion claims of WMDs as they did about the mythological genocide perpetrated against the poor, helpless KLA drug-and-prostitution gangs.

Pity that; it's certainly well worth remembering. The media repeated the KLA's lies over and over; they showcased a US general foaming at the mouth about it in "prime time" while jabbing a pointer stick at a satellite photo of a farmer's spring ploughing: "We know exactly where this mass grave is and we're going to go there and show you as soon as we hit the ground! Then you'll know that we were telling the truth about what the Serbs have been doing!" Farmers everywhere looked at that photo and immediately experienced a revelation about the Pentagon's idea of "truth".

Nat Hentoff keeps asking, "Where are the media now?" in reference to the lies they repeat on behalf of their big brother, Big Government. Well, I have discovered the location of the media, too: they're "in-bedded" beneath their government minders, receiving their revelations where the sun do not shine, et cetera...

By the way, this week the media's Big Revelation is that, "Syria has weapons of mass destruction." I'd tell you where those are, too, but you wouldn't want me to spoil the surprise for you, eh?

2. The Left and the Right are both completely morally bankrupt. Oh come on—this one doesn't really need any further elucidation, now does it?! I just thought I'd remind you, that's all.

3. He who controls the topic of conversation wins the argument. This is something which I discovered in my wayward youth. The media brainwash the masses of the sheeple on behalf of the Almighty Damned State by controlling what is discussed (and when), as much as what is said about it. (Of course, that second element is not overlooked, and they lie as a matter of policy, too.) The government school systems work in the same way. We'll just keep yapping about evolution until you think there are no alternative theories out there, kiddies.

The import of all this? We, the peaceniks/Libertarians, need to keep harping on the right topics: "Where, exactly, are my confiscated earnings (taxes) going, and why?" and "Where are the `mass graves' containing 100 000 Albanians?" and "Where are the `WMDs'?" and "Is it true that you bastards had planned to invade Iraq long before the attack on the World Trade Center?" and "Have the victims of the Israeli attack on the USS Liberty been compensated yet?" and "Why are you cutting $15 billion from the budget of the VA in the immediate aftermath of yet another war?" and "How were/are the victims of `Gulf War Syndrome' treated?" and "What about the WMDs of Fort Detrick?" and on and on and on.

It is our duty to be relentless in holding the warmongers responsible for their lies and actions.

4. We hippies were right all along—about everything, but especially peace and long hair. Thomas Jefferson had long hair. So did Jesus Christ. The "crew cut" legions sport no heros of civilisation, however, unless one considers Lt Calley and Lt Kerrey to be heroic. Rightists of all shades, paleo- and neo- and crypto- and every other prefixated fascist variety, have been whining about how us nasty, hirsute hippies destroyed the wonderful "western civilisation" of yesteryear. Well, if we had managed to destroy it, I'd be proud and glad of it, too, because it was a putrid, rotten, unimaginative, baggy-pants, bowtie-wearing, undead ghoul. The "culture" of today's Bush-Clinton-Bush Regime is simply the unholy resurrection of that reeking zombie.

As for peace, if I have to convince you on that one, you obviously don't know the first thing about war. `Peace—back by popular demand!' I personally brought back the flashing of the "peace sign" (index and middle finger upraised in a "V") in Edmonton. Like, peace, man.

5. War has one good effect: it makes it easier to see who stands where. This is useful information for several reasons: for us peaceniks, it makes it clear who really is against all wars of aggression, and who is a "summer soldier" of peace; it shows who values their security and comfort above all else; it reveals the imperial apologists and other fifth columnists in our ranks.

The follow-through is that we must denounce those people. I'll start: Pat Buchanan is a statist and a xenophobic bigot. His stand against antiwar activity (once the shootin' git started, yew has to support the troops, blah blah blah), and his constant yammering agin them thar furriners are not exactly secret any longer. All nationalism is essentially fascistic, and I say to hell with it. You heard it here first, folks.

Anyone who wants to "save American culture" had better locate it first, anyway. I wonder how many of the loudmouthed "culture patriots" have ever read Mark Twain's article exposing a "news report" of US soldiers' slaughter of Filipino nationalist villagers? Now, that is a vital part of the USA's cultural heritage, gringos!

All the thinly-disguised racism of the "defend the borders" propaganda is really quite funny, seeing that the borders being "invaded" (by Mexicans) are those of the territories invaded and seized from Mexico by the US Empire in an earlier day. Besides, where is the hue and cry against the damned under-tipping Canadians who are infesting Florida?! Sorry, but you can't be selectively anti-imperial any more than you can be selectively anti-furriner. You are, as el presidente reminds us, either fer us or agin us, in the anti-imperial movement every bit as much as in the pro-imperial camp.

You have to weed a garden in order for it to grow. Libertarians should remember that this spring.

And finally ...

6. The Canadian government's alleged "defiance" of its masters of war in DC is a myth dreamt up by the government-controlled "mainstream" media. The truth is that the Armed Farces of Canada have no more soldiers to send to Iraq. They're stretched to the breaking point doing their American masters' dirty work in Afghanistan and Bosnia already.

Sending the handful of remaining Canadian soldiers to Iraq would have required the use of US armed forces logistics. The Canadian government can not only not transport its soldiers, but it cannot properly clothe and feed them, either. In Yugoslavia, the troops were recently literally starving, and had to beg food from the French and British. In Afghanistan, they had summer woodland camouflage BDUs for winter warfare in the barren mountains, and they used house paint to attempt to "adjust" them. You don't terrify terroristas when your troops are a laughingstock, amigo.

It's easy to "refuse" to do something that is impossible in the first place; the trick is to take a stand of principle when you could have done the opposite. Me, I recommend that the Government of Canada do an about face and take a stand for ...

... Peace and Liberty.


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