L. Neil Smith's
Number 328, July 17, 2005

"Because the Government is evil and stupid..."

Because the Government is evil and stupid...
by Jay P Hailey

Exclusive to TLE

While discussing the bill of rights with a neo-con recently it occurred to me that a lot of people are not familiar with what a radical set of ideas is held in the Bill of Rights. I set out to rephrase some of the BoR is more casual language (with some admitted editorializing on my own part) to illustrate this point.

If it amuses you, read some of these to your conservative friends and watch them blanch.

Betcha a dollar they say "But, that's Anarchy!"


The Government is too evil and stupid—

We hold this truth to be self evident—the Government is evil and stupid and unless watched like a hawk, will abuse people, violate their rights and their property.

So we're setting down some limitations here—Because the government is evil and stupid it shall NOT

Have any opinion on any religion, pro or con.

Limit what anyone, anywhere at any time has to say

Limit any where, at any time under any circumstance what some one wants to print.

Prevent people from assembling in any place, for any reason they want

Prevent people from addressing government officials to demand redress of grievances.

Because the government is evil and stupid, if it violates any of these principles, individuals may need to shoot it.

There fore the Government May NOT

Have any opinion, pro or con about any weapon anyone owns or carries at any time, under any circumstances.

Force anyone to Support the Troops

Because the government is evil and stupid—

It may NOT search anyone at any time or any of their belongings, unless it has a damned good reason, in writing, first.

These reasons and the searches must be very specific, because we all know how the government loves to push the limits.

The government is evil and stupid and therefore

Can not decide if anyone is charged with a serious crime—the government must submit its evidence to a grand jury and then let THEM say if anyone is charged with the crime.

The government cannot try someone again and again hoping for the luck of the draw—they get one bite at the apple and that's it.

The government cannot force anyone to confess to anything, ever.

The government cannot imprison anyone at any time without due process

The government cannot take anyone's property away. They may buy property on the open market.

When the government does accuse anyone of anything—assume they're innocent and make the government prove its case rigorously.

When the government accuses anyone of anything, the government must put up or shut up immediately. All evidence, witnesses and charges have to be made available to the accused along with a Lawyer to help him defend himself. The accused gets a trial by jury in the area where the crime supposedly occurred.

If the government does accuse anyone of any crime, they must present their case publicly in full view.

In any case where the value exceeds $20 the accused has a right to a trial by Jury. If the Jury says it's so, the government has to accept it.

The Government is too evil and stupid to be trusted and therefore will NOT ever—demand excessive bail, impose excessive fines, inflict torture, or inflict cruel and unusual punishments on ANYONE

Just because there are certain rights illustrated here by limits on what the government does—that doesn't mean there are no others. Don't let the government trample these other rights either.

If it's not explicitly stated here then it's not a Federal government power—it belongs to the states or to the people. The States can restrict these powers further if they deem necessary.


Serenity, the FIREFLY movie
Serenity: The Official Movie Website

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