Big Head Press

L. Neil Smith's
Number 393, November 12, 2006

"Knowin' history's the KEY t'keepin' a FREE country."—Lucy Kropotkin


There's No Such Thing As "Goodminton"
by L. Neil Smith

Attribute to The Libertarian Enterprise

Election 2006 has come and gone, uprooting Bible-thumpers, born again warmongers, xenophobes, torturers, and homo-haters, replacing them with what will soon prove to be endless hordes of food fascists, tree huggers, Luddites, energy Nazis, anti-smokers, animal rights (but never human rights) crazies, acid rain, ozone depletion, and global warming hoaxers, Sandalistas, and gun-grabbing victim disarmament zombies.

I realize that it needed to be done, but it's a lot like having a festering wound cleaned out by maggots. Somehow I don't really feel much better. It seems that Skull & Bones still wins, no matter what we do.

I'm not sure what's worse, that the Democrats will fail to do anything the people expected them to do, or that the people will persuade themselves that the Democrats are really doing what they promised. My favorite teacher once told me I have an exceedingly orderly mind, and I would come to consider it a curse, rather than a blessing.

I have an exceedingly good political memory, too, and just now, I'm remembering that every single 20th century war America fought was started by the Democrats. George Bush had his imaginary Weapons of Mass Destruction, Lyndon Johnson had his imaginary Gulf of Tonkin incident.

The only reason fewer Democrats voted for the Patriot Act without reading it than Republicans is that there were fewer of them in the House and Senate. They went along, like so many Mussolinoid rubber- stampers, with Patriot II and the outrageously anticonstitutional Military Commissions Act. What happened on Election Day will change nothing.

So much for the "peace party".

The only thing different is that, like the political badminton birdies we have allowed ourselves to become, we've all been slapped over to the other side of the court for a little while. There's no other option. There's no lever we can pull, no chad we can poke out, no touch we can give the screen, that will promise us we won't get slapped.

There's no such thing as "goodminton". Bush got what he deserved. Unfortunately, we all got what Bush deserved, as well. Welcome to democracy.

Interestingly, conservatives I've seen on TV and online actually seem relieved finally to be out of power. In my experience, right wing socialists are only capable of three things in any event: whimpering about what the liberals have done to them in the past; whimpering about what the liberals are doing to them right now; and whimpering about what the liberals are allegedly planning to do to them in the future.

Conservatives (I'm not talking about neocons, here, but the "real thing") have absolutely no interest in solutions—in doing anything genuinely constructive to change the situation. They get petulant and resentful if you give it a try, yourself. Hope only pisses them off. It's so much more comforting (and considerably less risky) just to whine.

Which puts us right back in the 1990s and the Waco Willie Clinton Administration—except that the left wing socialists, some of them, anyway, understand that their time is limited. The closer they get to their objective of reducing us under absolute despotism—an ambition they share generally with the right wing socialists, although specific details may vary—the more likely that an increasingly well-informed populace (remember how much Hillary hates the Internet?) will be to resist.

And bap!—the birdie plops over onto the other side of the court. It's a grand old racket (if you'll kindly pardon the pun) and together, the Left and the Right have been working it for more than a century.

The thing to remember in all of this is that there's really only one "major" political organization, the Boot On Your Neck party, and that when everything else is said and done, you can forget about Right and Left, socialism and fascism, conservatives and liberals, Democrats and Republicans. All that government is about, all that government's ever been about, and all that government will ever be about is simply stealing.

True, different groups make up different ideologies to justify stealing. That's all they're for. None of them mean a thing beyond that.

Libertarians—excepting the occasional wrecker who wants federal handouts and delights in spitting on the party platform—are against stealing. Libertarianism isn't an ideology. It's the absence of ideology.

So what are we real libertarians to do, now that the Clintons and the Schumers and the Pelosis and their vile ilk are running things again?

First, we must stand fast, maintain our principles above all else, and rid ourselves, once and for all, of the skulkers, compromisers, four-flushers, gradualists, cowards, and frauds that have kept our party obscure all these decades. How can people flock to our banner if we fail to hold it high above the blood and muck of the political battlefield?

Second, we can remember that left wing socialists have two glaring weaknesses that can easily be exploited to the advantage of individual liberty.

First, they are hypocrites who have spent the past six months or so denouncing policies they will now embrace as fully as the neocons did. Will the election, across the board, of Democrats stop the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq? Will it repeal the Patriot Act and subsequent legislation? Will it shut down Guantanamo and other secret prisons and put an end to the torture? Will it bring freedom and dignity back to American airports? Will it restore the Bill of Rights and the rule of law?

Do you really need me to answer those questions?

Second, left wing socialists are fundamentally cruel and inhumane. Their vaunted platform, which traditionally offers peace, love, and understanding, is a charter for promoting conflict, hatred, and bigotry.

A great deal was made in this election, for example, of increasing the minimum wage, a typical "humane" liberal cause. The fact, of course, is that above and beyond the freedom to run your business that it destroys, the minimum wage destroys job opportunities for certain "marginal" workers—especially minority youth—that liberals claim are their constituency. Minimum wage increases unemployment among these workers, and promotes participation in gangs and other unsavory activity.

However since this gives social workers and other minions of the welfare state more to justify their existences, all's well that ends well.

Never fail to remember that these are the "humanitarians" who would far rather see a woman raped in an alley and strangled with her own pantyhose than see her with a gun in her hand. This despite the drastic and undeniable two-digit reduction in violent crime that an well-armed populace has been responsible for over the past three decades.

Never fail to remember that to the Clintons, Schumers, and Pelosis of the world, violent crime is a good thing because it justifies the existence of ever-increasing numbers of policemen, social workers, lawyers, judges, and bureaucrats. Low crime rates, brought about by armed citizens, make all those worthies—especially the cops—look bad.

Government is about stealing; that's all it's about; that's all it's ever been about; that's all it will ever be about. The kind of society government needs most is a society at war with itself, torn by violent crime, crippled by poverty, intellectually and technologically stagnant. A peaceful, prosperous, progressive society is a threat, because it eliminates all the excuses traditionally used to steal from us.

No election is ever going to change that.

What we can do, what we must do, is point out the hypocrisy and cruelty of left wing socialists at every turn, as loudly and as frequently as we can. Fortunately, we have the Internet to help us do that.

Thanks to my good friends and so-far-unindicted co-conspirators, programmer Bill St. Claire, artist Scott Bieser, and our editor and webmaster Ken Holder, there is a nifty initial step you can take, right now, to educate those around you about the False Revolution of 2006.

Near the top of the front page of The Libertarian Enterprise, check out our new counter. As I write this, it's planned that it will say:


I know it's a small thing, but genuine revolutions are made up of small things. This object will keep counting the days until Democrats are out of power once again, or they finally manage to shut down the Internet.

What's different is that you can download this counter and plant it on your own website. You can also link to it in your e-mail .sig line. Democrats want you to visualize world peace (or is it whirled peas, I forget). Instead, visualize a million of these, clicking away the days of their hypocrisy and cruelty everywhere they look on the Web.

When the Republicans come back, we'll think of something else.

Bap! and the birdie sails out of the court.


Download Square Version, Right-click and select "save link as" or "save target as":


Download Wide Version, Right-click and select "save link as" or "save target as":

see also:
for additional downloads

Bill St. Clair wrote the code—why not slip him a few coins as a "thank you Bill!"
PayPal him at

Four-time Prometheus Award-winner L. Neil Smith has been called one of the world's foremost authorities on the ethics of self-defense. He is the author of 25 books, including The American Zone, Forge of the Elders, Pallas, The Probability Broach, Hope (with Aaron Zelman), and his collected articles and speeches, Lever Action, all of which may be purchased through his website "The Webley Page" at

Ceres, an exciting sequel to Neil's 1993 Ngu family novel Pallas was recently completed and is presently looking for a literary home.

A decensored, e-published version of Neil's 1984 novel, TOM PAINE MARU is available at: Neil is presently working on Ares, the middle volume of the epic Ngu Family Cycle, and on Roswell, Texas, with Rex F. "Baloo" May.

The stunning 185-page full-color graphic-novelized version of The Probability Broach, which features the art of Scott Bieser and was published by BigHead Press has recently won a Special Prometheus Award. It may be had through the publisher, at, or at

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