Big Head Press

L. Neil Smith's
Number 417, May 13, 2007

"Hi Mom!"


An Open Letter to Republicans
by Babar Jumbo Skreeleel
Address Unknown

Attribute to The Libertarian Enterprise

For more than a century and a half, our people have been publically associated with yours, for better or for worse, in everything that you and yours have said and done.

Although we are proverbially thick-skinned, it hasn't always been an easy association, but at least it has remained bearable—until lately.

The whole world knows that we are solemn creatures of great dignity, honor, loyalty, and intelligence, invaluable as friends and allies, terrible and devastating in our wrath when we are wronged.

In recent years, you and yours have lied—and not for the first time—in order to involve your fellow citizens in a brutal conflict that has destroyed the lives of hundreds of thousands of innocent individuals, most of them harmless, helpless mothers and their infants.

You have used your navies to prevent their receipt of lifegiving shipments of food and medicine, killing perhaps a million children in the process.

You have misused your miraculous power of flight to rain horror, injury, and death from the skies upon those who have done nothing to damage you.

All these heinous acts you have committed for no better reason than to benefit the parasitic lowlives among you who, finding themselves unable—or simply unwilling—to compete like civilized beings in a free and open marketplace, have appealed to you for help in using the horrific power of government as a weapon against their competitors.

And their customers.

Barbarians that you have become, you have mindlessly smashed entire, ancient, august civilizations, simply to steal their natural resources.

You have ignored or suppressed other sources of energy, indeed, whole new technologies, for no better reason than that, unlike the petroleum you steal from foreigners unable to defend themselves, you cannot control these other sources and technologies, yourself.

You send other people's children off to die or to be maimed in faraway places while protecting your own children from a similar fate—exactly as you yourselves were protected by your own politically powerful parents.

To sum up, if you ever possessed a scrap of honor, decency, or integrity, you have long since abandoned them. We want nothing more to do with you. Please remove us from your logos, banners, bumper stickers, and advertising.

For our part, we will strive to forget—not an easy thing for us to do, you'll understand—that we were ever associated with you and yours in any way.

The Elephants


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