Big Head Press

L. Neil Smith's
Number 482, August 24, 2008

"Resist tyranny, or die."

Previous Previous Table of Contents Contents Next Next

Inspector Clousseau, TSA
by Francis A Ney, Jr.
n4zhg1 -+at+- gmail -=dot=- com

Be Vigilant!

Attribute to The Libertarian Enterprise

With the news that hit the mainstream media on Wednesday, but has been part of the blogosphere for a day prior, Taking Scissors Away has morphed from a frightening tyrannical agency to a clear and present danger to the traveling public.

Not content with turning airports into poorly run copies of East Germany, not content with stealing passenger's water, making mothers drink their own breast milk, harassing and/or torturing the handicapped, wand-raping pretty women, stealing medication, trying to steal a medal of honor from the NRA president, depriving travelers of their constitutional rights and imprisoning those who object, Totally Senile Assholes have crossed the line from seeing terrorists where none exist to manufacturing their own terror attacks.

It appears that on Monday night last, one government employee at O'Hare International Airport, whom I will call for lack of a named identity "TSA Inspector Clousseau" was bored. Very bored. He was so bored that he decided to test the security on a number of American Eagle commuter jets on the tarmac waiting for the morning outbound flights. Abandoning such plebeian pursuits as testing locks and rattling doors, Inspector Clousseau attempted to justify his superannuated badge, ego, and salary by playing cat-burglar on the fuselage of a dozen multi-million dollar aircraft, breaking critical sensors (clearly marked "NO STEP") along the way.

End result: Nine aircraft grounded, forty flights delayed. Fortunately for everyone, the air/ground crews at American were on the bounce. Can you imagine the field day DHS and TSA would have had with a ready-made "terrorist attack" that they created themselves? One has to wonder if this was merely an example of "pay peanuts, get monkeys" or if it was a deliberate act on the part of the DHS "scare generator" in order to clamp down even more on us citizens. In light of recent congressional hearings and the 9th Circuit decision, not to mention two lawsuits against various security apparatchiks in Pennsylvania, the latter is certainly possible.

In any event, Inspector Clousseau needs to be dangled from a repair lift so that the American ground crews and A&P mechanics can play pinata with his corpus. Nothing excuses him from damaging aircraft (a federal crime, by the way), except for the fact that he's part of Thousands Standing Around. Ironically, this is the same airport that is facing thousands of dollars in fines because TSA so-called inspectors were treated like the prison bitches they are when caught by airport police and not as God's gift to fighting terrorism they think they are.

Jim Campbell, Editor-In-Chief of Aero-News Network, is almost as pissed off as I am: "We're fed up with the incompetence of this organization, and while it was simply 'annoying' when they were sniffing our shoes or trying to rip off our laptops, it gets downright threatening when they start tampering with our airplanes.

"I have to tell you, it's time to scrap the TSA and failing that, it is WAY past time that they be SEVERELY curtailed in their ability to harm others. Simply put, it's time to reign [SIC] in the TSA before they kill someone, if they haven't already."

It gets better. TSA spin doctors were on the case Wednesday night. Baghdad Bob of the TSA blog points out that Inspector Clousseau was a TSInspector, charged with airport security, not a TSOfficer whose primary responsibility is to steal water and other valuables from passengers. Another TSA press release threatens American Airlines with fines because Inspector Clousseau was able to get inside a few of the aircraft, never mind he broke them in the process. I thought blaming the victim only happened in rape cases.

The truly frightening sentence from a just-released TSA memo: "TSA encourages its inspectors to look for and exploit vulnerabilities of this type." Say what? Did an official government memorandum just give a bunch of Gestapo rejects permission to destroy private property without fear of penalty? And now they want the authority to enter any airplane, at any time, for any reason?

"God help us."—Jim Campbell

Q: What's the difference between TSA and the Boy Scouts?

A: The Boy Scouts have adult supervision.

Yes, I know, it's a MARINE joke retread. But if the USMC were in charge instead of Chertoff and Hawley, there would be less BS at the airport and we wouldn't be dealing with the incredible levels of misappropriation, mismanagement, outright corruption and absence of control. Instead, we would be dealing with an organization that defines the terms "honor", "duty", and "respect". None of those terms belong in the same sentence as TSA. I firmly believe the Madison Ave. brains that came up with the "I work with monkeys/jackasses" series of Superbowl commercials a few years back had this sorry excuse for an agency in mind.

I'm with Mr. Campbell: TSA delenda est. They have become the second largest terrorist organization in the United States. Their parent department is the largest.


Frank is a freelance computer consultant and professional gadfly who splits his time between consulting gigs and his farm in West Virginia. He also serves as an EMT with his local fire department and as a RACES/ARES radio operator. Frank supported Ron Paul as the best choice possible and considers Bob Barr a LINO and a carpetbagger. He serves this publication as Travel Gestapo Editor.


Help Support TLE by patronizing our advertisers and affiliates.
We cheerfully accept donations!

to advance to the next article
to return to the previous article
Table of Contents
to return to The Libertarian Enterprise, Number 482, August 24, 2008

Big Head Press