Big Head Press

L. Neil Smith's
Number 521, May 31, 2009

"There is good news and bad news."

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Welcome to 2015
A short story
by Anonymous

Attribute to The Libertarian Enterprise

As soon as he answered the door he knew his luck had run out. The Man in the business suit and his five uniformed companions could only be revenuers. Indeed, the suit handed Gerald Kahr an official looking piece of paper with the words, "Order to Seize Property" printed at the top.

The Suit began to intone, "Mr. Kerr, whereas you have failed to to pay your outstanding taxes over the years, The IRS..,"

"Has come to seize property to pay my debt. Well, come in and get it over with, just don't make any more of a mess than you have to. No point in upsetting the Mrs. by messing up her decor."

"If you have any valuables you wish to show us I'm sure unnecessary damage to the rest of your property can be avoided, Mr. Cairn."

Kahr had reached what he thought was an acceptable agreement with the IRS. He had paid regularly, reducing his debt. The inflation of the Obama years had increased his income, if not its purchasing power, which had made keeping up and even increasing payments easier. Unfortunately, the government, like any other creditor, had learned to hate being paid with money that was worth less than the money in which the debtor had run up his bill. They had been pressuring Kahr to speed up his payments even more.

"Let me show you my vault and you can take what you need."

"If you could be so good, Mr. Carson, " the lead agent replied.

Let's be realistic, Kahr told himself. You knew it would come to this. At least it's over now. It's not like you're some wild eyed tax resister. Keira and I will just take our lumps and get it over with.

Still and all, he was glad his wife and children were not present to see him opening their home to invaders. The concealed carried weapons license and NRA membership in his pocket felt like jokes. Burglars and home invaders he could have shot dead. But a piece of government paper made the phrase "A man's home is his castle," meaningless. He was surprised at the humiliation that filled him.

It wasn't as if he had evaded his tax, or even tried to convince himself he didn't owe taxes. But a couple of disputes over what was deductible and what wasn't, a couple of bad breaks that made losses seem like taxable income and here he was.

The vault in his closet in the master bedroom (anger at letting these people in black uniforms with machineguns into the most private part of his home filled his heart.) held his families treasures. Trophies, jewelry, heirlooms and, private documents filled it. Personal treasures he had brought into the marriage, what former generations would have considered Keira's dowery, the accumulated goodies of twenty years together. Including his real treasure.

Just get it over with, he thought to himself.

The suit walked in and picked up two boxes of treasure. "Yup, this should do it. Let me call it in and make sure."

The vault was an effective Faraday cage, so the agent had to leave it. He conferred with his supervisor and went back in to get another box of treasure.

"Sorry, forgot that the Government doesn't pay excise and sales taxes. Now let me fill this in and you sign here and we're done."

"That's it?"

Yes, Mr. Kahr, that's it."

"Hey, you got my name right."

"Well yeah. I figure that if you're annoyed at me for getting your name wrong you'll be distracted from being pissed about me taking your stuff."

The IRS agents walked out with three boxes of .40 Smith and Wesson cartridges. Between inflation and the ammo shortage caused by this week's war against whoever was threatening America, Kahr tried to remember if it was an internal or external threat, three 50 round boxes of pistol cartridges were enough to settle a ten thousand dollar tax debt.

Welcome to 2015.


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