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L. Neil Smith's
Number 534, August 30, 2009

"Ding Dong the Drunk is dead!"

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Or is it a Dinosaur?
by L. Neil Smith

Attribute to The Libertarian Enterprise

People enjoy seeing cartoons in their heads.

A popular one, lately, seems to be "the elephant in the parlor", the idea being that there's this enormous pachyderm taking up space, and yet those in the room with it refuse to acknowledge that it exists.

The choice of an elephant is appropriate. I won't say that no other party has been as deeply mired in denial as Republicans are today, but they're far enough gone that any hope they may entertain of stopping the Democrats in their march to Marxism is sadly self-deluded foolishness.

They created the current situation (by which I mean "mess"). They lied about what happened in New York on September 11, 2001. They lied about what happened at the Pentagon. They lied about what happened in that field in Pennsylvania. Worst of all, they lied about why it happened, claiming it was because "they hate our freedom" instead of the truth: they're sick and tired of being pushed around and messed with.

Do you suppose it might have had a little something to do with the Bush-Clinton-Bush blockade that, according to Amnesty International, resulted in the deaths—mostly from lack of food and medicine—of half a million innocent Iraqi children? Think of it as Waco writ large.

To "retaliate" for the attack on the towers, the stupid, evil, crazy bastards invaded two countries, not because either of them had anything to do with it, but because one lay in the path of an oil pipeline they'd wanted to construct for ten years previous to 9/11, and the other sits on top of the world's second largest ocean of petroleum.

Prosecuting these illegal and immoral wars, the Republicans then smashed international law to bits, along with the Constitution they claim at other times to revere. They kidnapped individuals and hid them, without due process, in secret prisons. They tortured helpless prisoners and denied, in the most infantile terms, that what they'd done to them was torture. They continue that sort of nonsense to this day, shrill hysteria their only defense against the unpleasant truth. Anyone employing more than half of his brain has to recoil in sheer disgust.

Meanwhile, here at home, a useless, cowardly congress passed the so-called "USA Patriot" and the "Military Commissions" acts without reading them—just as they tried to pass Obama's medical Marxism scheme—attempting to erase the Bill of Rights. Happily, as many a Supreme Court justice has established, these putrid, misbegotten items of legislation, contravening, as they do, the Constitution under the authority of which they were written, are automatically null and void. Their enforcement is a criminal act we will all remember when the time comes.

Can you say "Nuremberg II"?

I thought you could.

And now, a new and openly Marxist "Democratic" administration is trying to finish the job of reducing us "under absolute despotism", building on a foundation carefully constructed for them by the GOP. As Ricky used to say to Lucy, Republicans "got a lot of 'splainin' to do".

If they want to take away Obama's control of congress, if they want, eventually, to evict the god-emperor himself, Republicans will have to make amends, supply restitution, for the harm that they have done. At the very least, they have to repeal every bit of legislation passed since 9/11 and undo the damage inflicted on the country since then.

They will discover, as others have before them, that it's easier to destroy things—a Constitution, an economy—than to rebuild them. We libertarians can show them how: an immediate tax amnesty; a year-long tax holiday; liquidation of all illegally-held government property; recall of our troops, not just from Afghanistan and Iraq, but from the 150-odd other countries where a military presence is maintained.

Abolition of each and every "alphabet agency" unmentioned by the Constitution.

A great many other reforms are called for—you may get a clue by consulting the writing I've been doing for the last 30 years or so; start by clicking on the "Back Issues" button on TLE's front page—but that would make a fair beginning. If Republicans are unwilling to undertake these tasks, then there is no reason for anyone to prefer them over Obama's orcish hordes, no reason to vote for Republicans at all.

Do you get that, Republicans?

Unless you change your ways, confess freely to the many crimes of which your party stands accused (and which everyone knows perfectly well it's guilty of, no matter how much you wriggle and whimper and squeal), stringently enforce the Bill of Rights, and restore America to what it was once supposed to be, then there's no reason to vote for you.

At all.

All the hate mail in the world won't change the mess you've made, Republicans, so take your sweaty fingers off those keyboards and face the music. Although I've spent my entire adult life trying to prevent such a disaster, we might as well ride out whatever Obama tries to do to us and see what develops, rather than put misplaced trust in you again.

The scholar of history and human nature within me suspects that Obama won't like the way that turns out in the end. And it's better than enduring what we did, all over again, under Bush, Clinton, and Bush.

Get that, Republicans?

Get it?

Four-time Prometheus Award-winner L. Neil Smith has been called one of the world's foremost authorities on the ethics of self-defense. He is the author of more than 25 books, including The American Zone, Forge of the Elders, Pallas, The Probability Broach, Hope (with Aaron Zelman), and his collected articles and speeches, Lever Action, all of which may be purchased through his website "The Webley Page" at

Ceres, an exciting sequel to Neil's 1993 Ngu family novel Pallas is currently running as a free weekly serial at

Neil is presently at work on Ares, the middle volume of the epic Ngu Family Cycle, and on Where We Stand: Libertarian Policy in a Time of Crisis with his daughter, Rylla.

See stunning full-color graphic-novelizations of The Probability Broach and Roswell, Texas which feature the art of Scott Bieser at Dead-tree versions may be had through the publisher, or at where you will also find Phoenix Pick editions of some of Neil's earlier novels. Links to Neil's books at are on his website


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