Big Head Press

L. Neil Smith's
Number 536, September 13, 2009

"Spirits crushed so badly that the victims
have no way of knowing they've been crushed."

Previous Previous Table of Contents Contents Next Next

Strange Bedfellows
A single-minded analysis of Gay marriage
by Justin Thyme
Mr. Thyme's Email Address isn't

Attribute to The Libertarian Enterprise

When you see two gay guys standing at an altar about to get hitched, think about it. Would you want anyone's daughter marrying one? I mean I don't mind allowing gays a little fun but think of the children! Or think of two lesbians in a relationship. This is a lot easier for us heterosexual males. After she ends up sleeping with all those women and ends up pregnant and wondering who the father is. It makes you want to support mixed marriages—a male and a female. Or to accommodate lesbians one man and two women.

Those gay couples are now finding more tolerant churches and groups who adhere to views that are not straight and narrow. That sect would be in their support of gay marriage have an altared state of conscienceness. If both members of this pair agree on the same church then they would have a same sects marriage.

There are neo conservatives who believe in same sex marriage. I guess they want to try something neo for a change. And wherever you find libertarians you'll always find a libertine caucus. Some religious conservatives have been confronted with the arguments that since all sex should be within marriage; why not bring gay sex into the marriage bed? While some men might get behind that position I do not. After all if we do not want sex outside of marriage why should we have sex inside of marriage? We are brought here on earth to suffer and that goes a long way in explaining the existence of marriage.

I might go to a gay wedding but to whom would I give the toaster? I would pass up the gay bachelor party. I see too much weird stuff when I drink already. I might want to go to a lesbian wedding and especially go to the lesbian bachelorette party. I would go to a lesbian wedding shower especially if I could shower with other lesbians. I know that here I could find a niche to fit into.

Since I'm a lesbian trapped in a man's body why can't I come? I can wear a tuxedo as well as any lesbian. I'm as hairy as any lesbian and a lesbian fashion consultant picked out my wardrobe of boots, blue jeans and flannel shirts. I also always carry a dildo that requires no batteries AND IS COMPLETELY NATURAL. Its just looking for a place to hang out and is left dangling. I feel as if I'm being stiffed.

So if lesbians are not allowed to get married where does that leave me who wants to marry a lesbian? I could have an oh-pun marriage. Of course some lesbians don't want any part of marriage to anybody. This creates a dyke-otomy among the separatists.

Even those who think that gay marriages are accursed and a damn-antly opposed will support gay divorces. They support marriages for all Christians and no divorces for them either. They would want the opposite for gays and lesbians, which would mean that there would be more business for gay and lesbian divorce lawyers. . But what about those who are so spiritually attracted to their gay mate they are willing to be surgically altered so as to qualify for a straight marriage. You would call them trance-gendered. And if they choose instead to go to prostitutes of wither sex. Then they would be buy-sexuals.

In Israel you can't get married unless both people are orthodox Jewish. The state of Israel does not recognize goy marriage. Nor does it in its Solomon wisdom recognize plural marriage even though Solomon did have a plural marriage of thousands of wives and concubines. He was truly a father of his country and the mergers and acquisitions specialist of his day. Today he would be arrested.

In today's Jewish America you can tell if it's a conservative wedding if the bride is pregnant. If the bride's mother is pregnant it's an orthodox wedding. If the rabbi is pregnant it's a reformed wedding. If both members of the wedding party are pregnant, it's an Ethical Culture wedding. If its two guys getting married they say as in the Psalm "Thy rod and thy staff will comfort thee". In a way its all ok to the Jewish parents of the couple as long as both members are Jewish and that there will be grandchildren. Of course in all questions about the family it's all relative. After all how can you have relations if they are not in the family?


Help Support TLE by patronizing our advertisers and affiliates.
We cheerfully accept donations!

to advance to the next article
to return to the previous article
Table of Contents
to return to The Libertarian Enterprise, Number 536, September 13, 2009

Big Head Press