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L. Neil Smith's
Number 577, July 4, 2010

"He pissed me off."

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Anna Chapman

A Rare TLE Endorsement:
Anna Chapman for U.S. Senate

by L. Neil Smith

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Attribute to The Libertarian Enterprise

He pissed me off.

I'm pretty sure you've been through exactly the same thing yourself. I sent e-mail, courtesy of Gun Owners of America, to the United States Senators from Colorado, Michael Bennet and Mark Udall, opposing the latest legislative travesty, the so-called "Democracy Is Strengthened by Casting Light On Spending in Elections" (DISCLOSE) Act (S.3295).

This is the bill, intended in true Chicago gangland style to muzzle organized opposition to the fascist Obama regime, over which the National Rifle Association—which, unbelievably, even for them, endorsed the damned thing, in exchange for an exemption for itself—thoroughly, totally, and permanently disgraced itself by stumbling dimwittedly into a trap carefully constructed by Marxoid operatives well versed in the NRA's contemptible history of brainlessness and corruptibility.

This, despite the fact that the bill is aimed transparently, not at "the usual suspects"—corporate malefactors real and imagined—but specifically at groups like Gun Owners of America and Jews for the Preservation of Firearms Ownership that have turned our country around on weapons ownership issues over the past couple of decades, a period through which the NRA timidly vamped, hesitated, and compromised its way. Only they could look upon their compatriots and fellow travelers as the competition, to be crushed underfoot with the help of a mad-dog administration.

I never heard back from Michael Bennet, a no-name political hack who won election to the Senate by a single vote—the governor's—when he was appointed to replace Ken Salazar, who went to sit at the knee of the God-Emperor, although Bennet's pedigree as a bedwetting liberal of the first ... er, water is unchallengable. Look him up; although he lost badly to almost everybody else at recent caucuses, his catalogue of big-time endorsements reads like a list of defendants at the next Nuremberg Tribunals.

I did hear from gibbering environmentalist and alternative fuels advocate from Mark Udall, who receives more campaign money from New York and California than from Colorado. A scion of "one of America's more prolific political families", he has demonstrated his willingness in the past to let an honest, courageous whistleblower, Cory Voorhis, be falsely accused and twist in the wind, rather than allow the image of a sleazy governor (who appointed Bennet) become tarnished in any way.

Until local talk show host Peter Boyles—who, through "main strength and awkwardness" took the governor down on the same issue and recently brought Bank of America to heel in a small way—called him out.

Udall is typical of everything that's wrong with the Democratic Party today—and with politics in general. A profligate tax and spender and inveterate enemy of individual liberty—whose election year weasel words on victim disarmament fool nobody in Colorado but would probably go over big with the slobbering morons who run the Harry Reid-endorsing NRA—he claims he was among the first to endorse Barack Obama. Which makes him one of those who has helped to erase any meaningful distinction (charitably assuming that there ever was one) between Democrat, liberal, progressive, socialist, and communist.

But I guess I have digressed. Again.

Udall (rather, his minions) replied in the usual crapulent manner: thank you very much for your opinion; I know better than you do: screwyouverymuch, etc., etc. When I wrote back to him, my message bounced.

Which eventually led me to the following thoughts:

Unless you were comatose last week, you know that the Fabulous Baby Incinerators claim to have busted a Russian spy ring after what amounts to a ten year stakeout. Something about this claim—several things, in fact—ring falsely to me. The first is that I would never expect that kind of attention span from the feds. Nor would I bet good neobucks on their being able to hold their constabulary wad for that long.

The list of ten or eleven arrestees (the FBI doesn't seem able to agree with itself about the actual number) looks to me as if it were taken from a telephone book somewhere. Moreover, I can't find mention of a single criminal act they have committed, unless they're illegal immigrants, which I should think would make them a protected class on Obama's watch. There is an older couple, a pair of younger couples, one with babies and all with American names, and some guy who forgot to change his name from the Russian. There's somebody who was caught on Cyprus (unless you listen to those who say there wasn't) and last, but not least, a 28-year-old real estate personette named Anna Chapman.

Go to Google. Put "Anna Chapman" in the little box, click on "Images" and jump back. You'll find dozens of online photos, many from her FaceBook page. This is one seriously cute chick, redheaded, with a pretty, girl-next-door kind of face and a very, very nice little body. There's also a brief video of her out there, addressing some kind of business convention, touting her new "Property Finders" operation with poise and charm, and just enough Russian accent to be sexy and not nearly enough to be misunderstood. Even if she wasn't a spy she'd be dangerous.

I say that we should bail her out (I can't figure out what she did, anyway, and I won't take the FBI's word for anything since Waco) and run her for the United States Senate against Udall. The young lady certainly couldn't make things any worse than they are now, and who knows—a sufficiently pretty face can make almost anything seem better.

So Anna's not from around here. Then why not "deem" her—in the true Pelosian sense—to be a legal resident of the State of Colorado for the purpose of becoming one of its Senators? Or maybe both of them. And if Udall gets most of his political valuta from out of state—just as Bill Clinton got big contributions from the Red Chinese—why not let Vladimir Putin put in two kopecks' worth for his alleged protoge?

To any extent she's not politically street wise, she can probably pick up some pointers from Sarah Palin, Michelle Bachmann, or Jan Brewer. It would mean an end at last to Udall's reign of crepuscular evil.

Hold on, I pretend to hear you asking, am I actually saying that an accused Russian spy would better represent the people of Colorado—and uphold and defend the Constitution and the Bill of Rights—than a sitting United States Senator from a famous and powerful political dynasty?

Yeah. Her or any inmate picked at random from the federal "supermax" penitentiary at Canyon City. That's exactly what I'm saying.

The big difference between Anna Chapman and Mark Udall (aside from the obvious visual aspect) is that she's from a country that gave up communism.

by Rex May

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Four-time Prometheus Award-winner L. Neil Smith has been called one of the world's foremost authorities on the ethics of self-defense. He is the author of more than 25 books, including The American Zone, Forge of the Elders, Pallas, The Probability Broach, Hope (with Aaron Zelman), and his collected articles and speeches, Lever Action, all of which may be purchased through his website "The Webley Page" at

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