L. Neil Smith's THE LIBERTARIAN ENTERPRISE
Number 886, August 21, 2016
Let‘s Make Work Free!
by Nic Leobold
Attribute to L. Neil Smith's The Libertarian Enterprise
It’s fundamentally unfair that great things like a college education, Caribbean vacations, luxury sports cars and gambling in Las Vegas cost so much. Clever statists have already solved that problem (they created government jobs and corporate welfare), but so many other innocent good people have been left out of the luxury economy!
I have a solution.
Let’s make work Free!
Bernie Sanders and Hillary Clinton tried really hard, but they never thought of something this grand. If you thought college loan forgiveness was a bold proposal, nothing touches my idea of making work totally free and clear.
This is the Ultimate Stimulus Package!
Just think about it. Instead of having to do actual hard work to get paid a salary, everyone can get automatic credit for doing their work, without working!
We should immediately rush this legislation to President Obama’s desk. I’m sure he would like it, and I’m sure he would sign it. If the Congress doesn’t pass it immediately, I’m sure Hillary Clinton would sign it if she was elected. (I’m not sure Trump would agree with this proposal—he’s an Evil Businessman, after all, and he likes beautiful women.)
Once legislation is signed making all work Free, our troubles are over. Don’t worry about the Minimum Wage controversy; with Free Work legislation, everyone can pick exactly the job, company and position they want, for Free—no application, no interview, no resume/CV, no competition, no stress. You just call up whoever you want to work for, and inform the boss that you’re hired. When work is Free, you can work wherever you want, for whatever salary you want; economic laws don’t matter, and after all, they never have, never to the government or the media or politicians. And those guys know everything.
And the great thing about Free Work, is, you also don’t have to actually do the work. You see, Free Work legislation would not work or be effective, if everyone actually had to report to their jobs. That would involve hard work, stress, sacrifice, and the jobs would all be occupied, so not everyone could have them.
With Free Work, the genius of this proposal is, no one shows up to work or actually does any work, so there are unlimited jobs and unlimited salaries to go around to everyone.
Where do we get the unlimited salaries? Simple. We just print the money. You see, eminent, genius, Nobel prize-winning economists like Paul Krugman have already proved that doing productive work is totally unnecessary. It’s a proven fact, as Krugman explains, that digging holes in the ground and filling them back up again, or starting unnecessary World Wars, or alien invasions, are great for the economy, just as effective as building actual products or services that people can use or that make our lives better. Pft! Don’t be ridiculous! Actual tangible products and services that have value? How presumptive.
Of course, if we need unlimited currency, the people at the u.S. Mint would actually have to stay at their jobs all the time to run the printing machines. But, I have a solution for that, too. Since money would be totally Free with my Free Work regime, the u.S. Mint workers could just take home as much extra currency as they chose to, totally for Free! Gold and silver coins would also be free and unlimited for everyone, because everyone would have as much currency as they chose to make. I have a feeling that a lot of Americans are going to LOVE unlimited gold and silver coins.
Also, some jobs could not be held by everyone at the same time. According to the u.S. Constitution, only one person can be President at a time. So only President Obama or his successor could actually be president, and the same goes for the Senate, House, Supreme Court, etc. But, since work is Free, and everyone’s salaries are free, neither Obama nor any other legislators would have to show up to work. (And, that would be great, because who seriously wants the Congress, Supreme Court, or President Obama doing anything?)
You see, with 100% Total Employment, and everyone making exactly the salary they choose, without actually having to do any work, everyone would be so busy partying, taking vacations, and having fun that we wouldn’t need a government, police, military, etc. Free Work would augur in World Peace. Civil Servants wouldn’t have to report to work, bus drivers, subway conductors, sanitation service/garbage men, street cleaners, air traffic controllers, all of them could just stay home or go on permanent vacation.
All of them would still get full credit for their jobs, of course. With Free Work, we would set up a Reporting System that would automatically report All Work Done, even though no one would have to do their jobs or be doing their jobs. So everyone would get their salaries, vacation days, sick leave, full benefits and medical and dental, without having to report to work or do any work!
Probably, we would cease to have any more police, subway conductors, garbage men, or any other civil servants or low-class jobs, because everyone would want to have a prestigious, fancy job, and they could!
I would want an immediate position in a boutique hedge fund firm making a minimum of $100 million per year. In fact, I’d like to be Managing Partner, with a salary and bonuses totaling at least $100 billion. Well, under my plan for Free Work, I could immediately claim that job! Of course, a lot of other guys would also like that same job, and they could have it too! Because with my Free Work Program, all jobs are Unlimited, and all salaries are, too.No one ever reports to their jobs, so we can have unlimited numbers of people at the same jobs, allmaking the same salary, and getting Free credit for all their work done, without doing the actual job.
This is right up Bernie Sanders’ and Hillary Clinton’s alley, and I know most Democrat union members, civil servants, teachers union members, medical care unions, and all other Democrats will back me up and support me on this. After all, there are a lot of public school teachers, home health aids, and garbage men who would love to work for a boutique hedge fund or a private bank or in Mergers & Acquisitions or at a derivatives desk at a major investment bank too. Well, everyone’s dreams will come true with my Free Work program. Teachers will never be disrespected again, because all of them will get a Free, no-holds barred promotion to an Executive or CEO position; or for that matter, if there’s a public school teacher with a particularly low sense of self-esteem, we could promote him/her to the astronauts corps!
It’s not magic. There’s no mystery or riddle about it. All we need to do is pass a new law. It’s that simple. With the stroke of a pen, Free Work can become the Law of the Land, and everyone can have whatever they want. At least, they can have whatever job they want, and whatever salary they want. And with those, the sky’s the limit.
Like I said, Free Work supersedes all other economic and political controversies. Since everyone gets paid whatever they want, without having to qualify for their job, and then without having to actually do the job, no one would have any complaints.
Forget about the fact that no one would be reporting for work. Why do we need factories manned, restaurants staffed, supermarket shelves stocked, garbage collected, janitors to clean, doctors and nurses to cure people, or delivery men? Everyone would automatically receive their desired salaries, so work would be an outmoded novelty of the past.
You see, this idea of making all work Free, is a natural. Where did I ever come up with such a genius, brilliant idea? I mean, c’mon. I don’t want to boast, but it was pretty obvious. If we can make the Minimum Wage any random number, if we can give away free $trillions to banks to bail them out when they completely crater and dive due to gross negligence, if we can give out unlimited welfare, unlimited food stamps, and unlimited salaries and benefits to public school teachers and all other civil servants, if we can spend $700 billion per year on military and weapons systems and wars that are totally unnecessary, why not move on to the Next Logical Step?
Free Work just makes sense. People like Paul Krugman, Barack Obama, Bernie Sanders, the Clintons, The New York Times, Thomas Picketty, Elizabeth Warren, and other economic geniuses have proven that Free Work is just the Right Thing To Do. Trailblazers like these have proven that Facts Don’t Matter. Why waste our time, lives and energy worrying about Logic, Reason, Economic Law, Practical Consideration, Logistics, or any other mere science? For that matter, why bother ourselves about Reality at all?
These economic and political leaders, the Heroes of our time, have proven that Thinking, and Reason, are a waste of time. We have come this far without acting on logic. We have put our Faith in spending money we don’t have, and we’ve survived just fine!
So we should immediately move forward to the next logical step.
Once other countries see how successful Free Work is in America, I’m sure the entire world will adopt Free Work. Free Work will lead to Universal Peace, Universal Happiness, Universal Contentment, and Universal Spoils.
Free Work is the Most Revolutionary, Evolutionary, logical expression of Progressivism, Social Progress, Social Justice, and Universal Welfare I could ever imagine.
And if ANYONE, has ANY DOUBT, that this proposal would work, well, I have a circular bridge in the Atlantic Ocean with Christmas Trees, bumper cars, and candy canes which I would like to sell you.
I wish you All the best.
Good Luck and Godspeed.
Nic Leobold is a Bizman/Artist/Athlete/Consultant & Free Market Anarchist-Voluntaryist based in Asia, Europe & America and enjoys eclectic interests from great films & casino gaming to ballroom dancing, ballet, target shooting, classical music, shopping, gourmet cooking and fitness. A filmmaker & artist with a background in pro athletics, he is continually looking to learn more & share of his passions for economics, living free, living smart, “beating the system”, promoting Liberty, and the spiritual & philosophical components of a good life & contentment.
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