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I Don't Want to Save the Whales
A Work in Progress: words and music by L. Neil Smith
lneil@netzero.com

Attribute to The Libertarian Enterprise

(Melody—a generic gospel tune—to be available soon, online)

V1: There are lots of critters that you shouldn't mess with,
'Cause the feds will come and shoot you if you do.
The trouble is, so many are delicious.
Is that why they're depriving me and you?

I'll bet presidents all eat endangered species,
And the same is true of Congressmen and Kings.
The Czar himself once served up frozen mammoth.
With a great big pile of Russian onion rings.

CHORUS: I don't want to save the whales,
         I want to eat them—
With a steaming slice of Bambi on the side.
And a crispy salad made of furbish lousewort,
And my snail darter broiled instead of fried.

V2: I dreamed that I had died and gone to Heaven
Where I sat down at a table made of gold.
And there upon a platter made of diamonds
Sat a big stuffed giant condor served up cold.

And right beside the condor there was something
That was roasted with an apple in its maw.
I'm sure it must have been a rare white rhino
Just about the biggest meal I ever saw.

CHORUS: I don't want to save the whales,
         I want to eat them—
With a steaming slice of Bambi on the side.
And a crispy salad made of furbish lousewort,
And my snail darter broiled instead of fried.

V3: There are lots of things that go well with a meat dish,
Things like green sea turtle soup and silversword.
These hors doeuvres here are ivory-billed woodpecker,
And this Alabama cave shrimp cocktail's good.

We got here by climbing Evolution Mountain.
To the top of Darwin's food chain, that's the truth.
We won't stay up here if we start eating tofu.
This is Nature and it's ruled by claw and tooth.

CHORUS: I don't want to save the whales,
         I want to eat them—
With a steaming slice of Bambi on the side.
And a crispy salad made of furbish lousewort,
And my snail darter broiled instead of fried.

V4: I don't want to save the whales, I want to eat them—
They taste just like beef, not chicken, you'll agree.
And for lunch I want my panda burgers well done.
They'll go great with spoonbill croquettes, wait and see.

The whole wide planet is a buffet luncheon.
If we just try and remember what we should.
We ate sabertooths and dire wolves and cave bears.
And they would have eaten us up if they could.

CHORUS: I don't want to save the whales,
         I want to eat them—
With a steaming slice of Bambi on the side.
And a crispy salad made of furbish lousewort,
And my snail darter broiled instead of fried.

Four-time Prometheus Award-winner L. Neil Smith has been called one of the world's foremost authorities on the ethics of self-defense. He is the author of 25 books, including The American Zone, Forge of the Elders, Pallas, The Probability Broach, Hope (with Aaron Zelman), and his collected articles and speeches, Lever Action, all of which may be purchased through his website "The Webley Page" at lneilsmith.org.

Ceres, an exciting sequel to Neil's 1993 Ngu family novel Pallas was recently completed and is presently looking for a literary home.

Neil is presently working on Ares, the middle volume of the epic Ngu Family Cycle, and on Roswell, Texas, with Rex F. "Baloo" May.

The stunning 185-page full-color graphic-novelized version of The Probability Broach, which features the art of Scott Bieser and was published by BigHead Press www.bigheadpress.com has recently won a Special Prometheus Award. It may be had through the publisher, at www.Amazon.com, or at BillOfRightsPress.com.

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