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Hick, It's Time To Hang Em Up
by L. Neil Smith
[email protected]

Attribute to L. Neil Smith's The Libertarian Enterprise

Enough is enough, John Hickenlooper.

For more than sixty years, wherever my life has taken me, I was always proud of having been born in Colorado, and always happy to return after traveling to and living in far places. Colorado was my home.

It was never perfect. Freedom didn't pulse through the veins of the state the way it seems to in Montana or Wyoming. But the potential was always there, and if one turned a blind eye to that suppurating ulcer on its face known as Denver, Colorado was a wonderful place to live.

But you have fixed that, haven't you, Hick?

I doubt you'd understand that, being born and raised in a state, Pennsylvania, that, decades ago, canceled any historic claim to having given birth to individual liberty. Like many another opportunist who has inflicted himself on our state over the years, you came out for the easy pickings, figuring anywhere you dropped your carpetbag was home.

You first achieved public office by acting the buffoon, riding your little scooter around town, exhibiting your cowlick—Bongo the bear on his unicycle, juggling—but that act could only carry you so far.

You won the governorship by default, Colorado Republicans being notoriously unimaginative and cowardly. Michael Jackson could have won that election, and he's dead. It isn't as if there weren't any warning signs: the way you fawned over Obama, so that doubtless even he had to take a shower afterward, the way you praised that openly communist associate of his as a "rock star". Your actions since your election have betrayed you as a conscious, active, evil agent of the criminal left.

"Criminal?" I pretend to hear you ask.

What do you call it when you take an oath to uphold and defend the Constitutions of the United States and of Colorado against all enemies foreign and domestic—and promptly violate it, ravaging the Bill of Rights?

What do you call it when, having publicly acknowledged that no amount of "gun control"—more properly termed "victim disarmament"—could have prevented the heinous crimes "progressives" so dearly love to celebrate, you turn around and sign four blatantly illegal bills infringing the absolute right of the individual to own and carry weapons?

What do you call it when you deliberately and maliciously turn the once free and beautiful state of Colorado—the place in the West that, despite your shameful trans-Mississippian origins, welcomed you, and gave you a home and a career—into something closely resembling the vile political and moral muck-pits of New York, New Jersey, and California?

And while we're at it, Hick, here's another question for you. Creatures of your ilk call themselves "progressives" because they've soiled the word "liberal" so badly it can no longer be used. What are you going to call yourselves once you've hopelessly soiled the world "progressive"?

But perhaps I have digressed.

Hick, if you listen to the people, rather than to your handlers— which is clearly something that you seldom do—you'll discover that what you're most disliked for these days is that you have turned your back on them, in order to kneel humbly and abjectly at the feet of Michael Bloomberg, a strutting, pouting, popinjay who, more than anyone, in thought and word and deed and appearance, resembles Benito Mussolini.

It begs another question: why do we constantly hear "progressives" whining about "malefactors of great wealth" slinging their billions around to force their opinions down the throats of those they consider their inferiors? Is it only Republican billions that can be abused this way, and when Democrats do it, it's okay? Look up "hypocrisy" in the dictionary. The picture of you isn't very flattering, but it's recognizable.

Of course it isn't just keepers of the Second Amendment you've offended. Global warming stands exposed as a hoax, its advocates discredited as the pseudoscientific con-men and grifters that they are. Albert Gore is an even bigger and more pathetic clown than you are. And yet, at the behest of your Washington masters, you continue destroying the state's economy in the name of the religion called "environmentalism".

That's a violation of the First Amendment, Hick.

It's gotten to the point that the northern quarter of Colorado is seriously considering secession, so that they are no longer forced to be associated with the farcical laughing-stock you've made of the state.

Things are changing, Hick. The time has ended when politicians can take the oath of office casually, as an empty, meaningless ritual. You can largely thank your socialist sister Nancy Pelosi for that; asked by a reporter how some legislation she was pushing could be justified Constitutionally, she snorted, and replied, "Are you kidding?" From now on, politicians will be held to their words, and rise or fall by them.

I don't think you're going to fit very well into the times that are coming, so I urge you to resign now, and return to serving drinks in Lower Downtown Denver. I don't believe even Pennsylvania wants you back.

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