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Attribute to L. Neil Smith’s The Libertarian Enterprise

Ann Coulter is a tall, leggy blonde whom almost any human male would find at least moderately attractive, a right-wing political columnist with an admirably vitriolic pen who might be described as a “Sometimes-Trumper”.

On the other hand, her strident and embarrassing lack of trust, loyalty, and consistency is the basic reason I’m finally writing this article. Coulter was one of Donald Trump’s earliest supporters, back when everybody thought that was crazy, and is supposed to be intelligent, but clearly she has no idea whatever of the forces of Mordor that Trump presently finds arrayed against him and his policies. If Republicans are elephants, Democrats are jackasses, and Libertarians are porcupines, Ann Coulter is a giraffe.

Currently pushing 60 (as are we all, some from one side of the line, some from the other), Coulter remains unmarried and without children. She is said to have dated comedian Jimmie Walker (“We’re just good friends”), writer/movie-maker Dinesh D’Souza, New York City Councilman and “progressive” Democrat Andrew Stein, Spin magazine founder Bob Guccione, Jr., conservative/religious radio host David Wheaton, and the ridiculous and disgusting Bill Maher, owner of the questionably named “KidLove Productions” (slice of pizza, Bill?) and defender of the notorious Mary Kay Letourneau (look her up).

Over the years, Coulter has written many a column that had my fingers hovering over the keyboard, ready to strike, but she finally pushed it too far with a little ditty, on April 17, entitled “All The President’s Bloodsucking Relatives” an instrument of jealousy, hatred, and personal destruction, aimed principally at Trump’s daughter Ivanka and her husband Jared Kushner. Ann let it all hang out in that column, and in doing so, exposed herself as the bitter, unfulfilled harridan she criticizes others for being.

I would guess (and it is only a guess—unlike liberals, I lay no claim to telepathy, only to a unique understanding, after seven decades, of history and human nature) that Coulter desperately wanted an appointment of some kind to the Trump Administration and feels that she deserved it. Ivanka got the job Ann probably wanted, instead. The First Daughter, by contrast, is an entrancing elfin princess, a wife and mother, who has made herself more than useful to her father and to America on more than one occasion. So much for bloodsucking. If I were a Democrat, I’d be shaking in my boots right now about 2024.

Trump, in fact, is surrounded by feminine pulchritude. His wife, Melania, is the most beautiful and charming First Lady America has ever had. His younger daughter, Tiffany, a Georgetown law student, would be a national high school/college heart-throb if she were more publicly visible. His daughter-in-law, Lara, is winsome, highly principled, and intellectually aggressive. His eldest son’s fabulously decorative girlfriend, former FOX news star Kimberly Guilfoyle (whom we don’t see enough of any more), would make another wonderful First Lady (the nightmares never end for the DNC). Even Trump’s Counselor, Kellyanne Conway, is kind of irresistibly cute, despite her thoroughly cancerous husband, another victim of self-inflicted jealousy.

I have to admit that it’s surprisingly difficult being hard on Coulter, for me, at least. We both do the same thing (more or less) for a living (if you call this living). There’s at least a 75 percent overlap in what we believe (I’m a non-religious libertarian who staunchly supports same-sex marriage and a woman’s right to an abortion—up to a point). Most of all, we each enjoy plunging a well-turned verbal dagger into the heart of whomever or whatever has earned our ire.

Poor Ann has been outclassed by the Barbies of FOX News—for whom admittedly she blazed the trail—almost uniformly blonde, gorgeous, intelligent, and accomplished. Many of them are lawyers, like her. Think lovely Shannon Bream, my favorite.

Given her problems with the Trumps, Coulter apparently does her thinking below the waistline, sunshine. What a pity. In another universe, she could have been like Judge Jeanine. But she’s over the hill, and does not bear it gracefully.