Special to L. Neil Smith’s The Libertarian Enterprise

They were having a sale at the gun-store, and the Jukes boys decided to go.
With the moonshine gone bad and the poaching gone thin, their business was going quite slow.
So they bought them a lot of hand-cannons, intent upon robbery and more,
But they never once stopped to consider that they weren't alone in the store.

Next in line was a little old lady. After her came a handsome young dame.
After her was a man in a wheelchair, then a lad with an underweight frame.
They watched as the Jukes boys were buying, and considered what such lads would do.
Then they looked at each other, they said not a word, but bought themselves hand-cannons too.

That night Billy Jukes went out hunting. He spotted a girl who looked great.
But when he pulled her into an alley, she pulled out a big .38.
He thought this was feminine bluffing. "Now girl, you can't shoot me," he said.
The very next second, she proved he was wrong -- and Billy Jukes quite lost his head.

Now Joey Jukes went for the money, so he went to a big liquor store
And he pulled out his two-barreled shotgun the moment he came in the door.
He aimed at all present and bellowed: "Give me all you've got, or you're dead!"
So the counter-boy hefted his .44 Mag and did just what Joey Jukes said.

Now Beauregard Jukes chose his victims with more care and planning by far.
He jumped on a little old lady who was just getting into her car.
But she promptly reached into her handbag and used the best choice she could make,
For a .45 Auto has such light recoil as even a frail hand can take.

Now Roy Jukes was good at house-burgling, and still thought he'd escape without harm
When the owner rolled in with a shotgun braced on his wheelchair's arm.
"Hey, they'll bust you for shooting--" Roy started, but the man's shotgun cut off the lot,
And he said, as he muscled Roy's corpse out the door: "There are no ballistics on shot."

So that was the end of the Jukes boys. The cops had to clean up the mess,
So they slandered gun-owning civilians all over the Liberal press,
But the victors who might have been victims, though silent, all know this is true:
That so long as there's one weapon left in the world, you'd better have you a gun too.

[You can hear Leslie perform this song. Several of her CDs are available at Prometheus Music. — Editor]