Special to The Libertarian Enterprise
Dear Conventional Wisdom,
So the GOP lost both houses of Congress. What do you
make of this? Was the midterm election a rebuke of
George Bush's disastrous Iraq War policies?
Sincerely,
Stanley in Omaha
Dear Stanley in Omaha,
The GOP didn't lose both houses of Congress. That's
just what the media want you to believe. Look, I've
said it before, I'll say it again: You can't trust
political polling. Especially when the polls use a
lever and take place in a booth. You think it's just a
coincidence the Democrats "won"? The pollsters skewed
the results by giving voters a choice between the
parties. That doesn't sound like baiting the question
to you?
* * *
Dear Conventional Wisdom,
I see Donald Rumsfeld stopped squinting long enough to
resign as Defense Secretary. What's he going to do
with his spare time now? We have a job for him here at
Burger King.
Sincerely,
The Guy Who Manages Donald Rumsfeld's Hometown Burger King
Dear Dejected Lowlife Sentenced to a Lifetime of Burger Flipping,
Donald Rumsfeld is going to do the same thing Donald
Rumsfeld has always done. He's going to put his pants
on two legs at a time. He's going to count his
chickens weeks before they hatch. If Donald Rumsfeld
were an airplane, he would be cleared for a safe
landing. I have no concerns about Donald Rumsfeld. You
should worry about yourself.
* * *
Dear Conventional Wisdom,
Knock-knock. Who is there? Dick Cheney. Dick Cheney
who? I don't know. Wanna go "lame duck" hunting? Ha ha
ha ha ha!
Sincerely,
Dan Quail
Dear Dan Quail,
If I were a gun, I would aim for your heart.
* * *
Dear Conventional Wisdom,
There's been a lot of speculation over Hillary Clinton
running for president. What do you think? Will she or
won't she?
Sincerely,
Chelsea Lewinsky, City of Chappaqua
Dear Miss Lewinsky,
Running "for" president? More like she's running from
it. This woman has been stalling to answer this
question for years now. There's a good reason for
this. Hillary Clinton understands the name Hillary
Clinton is divisive. She stands a much better chance
of winning the White House if she waits till after she
wins to announce her candidacy. We can't let her get
away with this.
* * *
Dear Conventional Wisdom,
Settle a bet. My brother and I think George Bush is
gonna start a new war out of anger. I say North Korea;
my brother says Vietnam.
Sincerely,
John McCain (not the senator)
Dear Mr. Senator,
You and your brother are equally retarded. Why does
everyone assume George Bush is ducking Russia and
China? The heavyweight title has been fractured for
too many years now, and George Bush is the only
champion with the cojones to challenge them both to
unify the belts. You'll see. George Bush is the Lennox
Lewis of our generation. Except without the
dreadlocks. Oh, and the pawing jab.
* * *
Dear Conventional Wisdom,
How comes the new James Bond has blonde hair?
Sincerely,
The Old James Bond
Dear Double O'Seven,
Let me put it this way. Before you were born, there
was a television program known as Bewitched. In it, a
guy named Dick York played a character named Darrin.
Then Dick York left the show and Dick Sargent played
the character. Two guys played Darrin, and both of
them were Dicks. Does this answer your question?
Jonathan David Morris writes from Philadelphia. He can
be reached at jdm@readjdm.com.
