Attribute to L. Neil Smith’s The Libertarian Enterprise

Please use this or any part of this to make your own letter to your representatives.

Dear Senator/Congressthing:

You'd better read this if you want to keep your phony-baloney job.

The Second Amendment to the United States Constitution ordains unmistakably that the individual right to own and carry weapons shall not be abrogated in any way, or sneaked up on, even a little bit at a time.

Understand that I carry no particular brief for so-called “bump-stocks”, which that pathetic moron in Las Vegas appears to have used to murder several dozen people; I’ve simply never been interested in them (although now, of course, you’ve stimulated ny curiosity). But I do know many others who are, and I will not see their rights trampled, no matter what you cowardly surrender-monkeys in the National Rifle Association, the Republican Party, or your politically-correct groupies, like “One-square Sheryl Crow”, femspreading grotesquely in the last photograph I saw of her, or Hillary “I Coulda Been A Contendah” Clinton have to say about it.

As an act of (possibly somewhat perverse) courtesy, I’m writing this message to warn you that if you so much as look seriously at any proposal limiting or diminishing any of my Second Amendment rights, I will energetically campaign for, contribute to, raise money, and vote for any suitable candidate who opposes you. I’ve been fighting this fight for fifty-five years. That’s how you ended up under Donald Trump. You just didn’t listen.

Can you hear me now?

As an award-winning novelist, essayist, and Internet columnist, I guarantee that I will do my very damnedest to persuade as many of the countless individuals within reach of my keyboard to do the same. If no such candidate happens to come forward, then I will donate as much time, money, and effort as I can afford to America’s finest civil rights organization, Jews for the Preservation of Firearms Ownership, a collection of seasoned freedom-fighters who have learned—the hard way, from the Holocaust—what the Second Amendment is really all about. Please be aware, as well, that I am writing from a state that successfully recalled two representatives for their treacherous legislative behavior and saw another resign in disgrace rather than face recall.

If you remember nothing else from this message, then remember this: I did absolutely nothing wrong last Sunday, October 1st, and I refuse to be punished—as I have been for at least fifty years, along with millions of other innocent Americans—as if I had.

Find yourself another damned scapegoat.

This isn’t North Korea. whose inmates have been turned into ants by a tiny, demented tyrant and his family.

This isn’t Venezuela, presently collapsing under a communist command economy.

It isn’t even the United Kingdom, where a once gloriously free people have been slowly and steadily conditioned into helplessness and dictatorship.

Most of all, it isn’t Spain, where a decades-old peaceful independence movement is being crushed ruthlessly by the goon-troops of the political inheritors of Adolf Hitler’s good buddy, Generalissimo Francisco Franco. (All of you little Anti-fa weenies and wussies should check him out to see what a real fascist looks like.) As to the jumped-up King of Spain: it doesn’t matter if you wear a crown on your head, if there’s a swastika in your heart. This tragic outrage would not have been possible had the Catalan people been armed even a tenth as well as Americans are. It should serve us as a lesson never to give up even a sliver of our rights.

Here’s the news: the Second Amendment was added by the Founding Fathers to the Constitution, as a last resort, to keep their new and hungry government in line. Dismantle it, even in the slightest, and you are flirting with a civil war. Creepy miscreants like Charles Schumer, Nancy Pelosi, Diane Feinstein, Gabby Giffords, Maxine Waters, and other collectivists, ad nauseam, don’t give a rusty rap about that. They plan to be safe behind gated community walls, when the excrement hits the ventilator, protected by armed guards. They are entrenched in power and rolling in ill-gotten wealth.

Those of us who value freedom above all things want to abolish that last corrupt possibility for you. But even if we fail, it will be forever out of your reach if you don’t settle down and be good little boys and girls. There’s even talk of rehabilitating and reopening Alcatraz Island especially for Constitutional criminals. I’d gladly donate to that worthy cause.

So. forget about running our lives. Clean up your own house: get rid of management-state zombies like the eternally smirking Paul Ryan and that sleazy weasel Mitch McConnell. Start standing up for something decent and worthwhile. America is “exceptional” only because of the freedoms it has cherished and protected. Together, let’s make this the century of the Bill of Rights.