Attribute to L. Neil Smith’s The Libertarian Enterprise

Over the decades, I’ve thought a lot about borders and immigration. More recently I became an enthusiastic advocate of Donald Trump’s border Wall and it’s been a strange, kind of crawly experience to listen to the left wing’s insane and infantile objections to it. Hell, I grew up in Newfoundland where the wall that defined the border of the island had cannon mounted on it!

Tonight, after listening to the President’s Oval Office address concerning immigration, and those two old lizards from the Democrat Party, I had an idea that ought to overcome the hysterical objections of any lunatic liberaloid who informs us, contradictorily, that he doesn’t really want open borders, but that he doesn’t want a Wall, either. I grew up in the United States Air Force in the shadow of World War II, during the war in Vietnam. Instead of the difficulties and expense of building a barrier or fence from the Pacific coast to the Gulf of Mexico, I propose we simply declare a 2000-odd mile long free-fire zone.

The US Senate candidacy of former Air Force Colonel Martha McSally brought the A-10A “Thunderbolt” (affectionately known as the “Warthog”) to my attention. McSally was the first female to fly combat missions, and the A-10A is the fighter she flew. It is simply a marvelous aircraft, designed specifically for ground-attack, and purposely wrapped around a formidable seven-barrel 30 millimeter rotary cannon. Doctor Gatling would be so proud. We have over 500 of these flying machines. A squadron of A-10As could easily patrol the imaginary line between the two countries cheaply and efficiently, utterly obliterating any trespassers that their sensors happened to detect, along with their deadly drugs. All computer-aided, so no projectile goes where it’s not supposed to go. Honest. I saw the first Iraq war on TV, so I know,

The wonderful Warthog stalls at 138 miles per hour, so something a bit slower might be called for on occasions when you want to pay special attention to the local geography. Ironically, the fabulous F-35B “Lightning” might be just the thing. It’s my favorite airplane, a supersonic stealth fighter the can actually hover over a target and bombard it with a boatload of ordnance including its four-barrel rotary 23 millimeter cannon.

If that proves a bit cumbersome or expensive, there is always the V-22 “Osprey”, that science-fictiony “tilt-rotor” aircraft (nobody can quite agree whether it’s an airplane or a helicopter), very impressive in the air, that the First Lady herself was flying around in a just few weeks ago. It’s a legitimate-enough combat machine, armed with a plethora of machine guns and another “rotary cannon”, the original G.E. .308 caliber “minigun” of “Puff The Magic Dragon” fame. All these deadly mechano-raptors have plenty of hardened attachment points for a whole war’s worth of bombs and rockets. And we still must have some Marine Harriers left, a myriad of assorted intimidating helicopters from four or five wars, lost and won, Apaches, Cherokees, Huey Cobras, and maybe even a C-47 or two.

Now just picture the drama: Supreme Border Intelligence or spy satellites or a sophisticated sensory array reveals another heinous attempt to violate American sovereignty just a few miles west of, say, Del Rio, Texas. In only a few minutes, an entire battleship’s weight of lethal metal arises from various hidden desert bases and descends avidly on that segment of the imaginary line between the two countries being sullied thus and unleashes the very wrath of hell, providing an exciting light show and fireworks display for folks on both sides of the border, especially US taxpayers. Film at 11. Forensic teams come out the next day to see who made the mistake of trying to sneak in and what they tried to bring with them.

A good time is had by all except the bad guys.

Seem a little rough and rowdy for you? Perhaps a bit noisy, too, as we faintly hear McSally holler “Yee-haw!”. Well I’ll remind you that we’re talking about the big-skyed West, here. But maybe a simple Wall doesn’t seem quite the “immorality” that the aged and senile Pelosi claims it to be. Without moving or even making a sound, the Donald’s Wall can accomplish everything the Air Force can.

But it won’t be nearly as much fun.