Attribute to L. Neil Smith’s The Libertarian Enterprise

My object all sublime
I shall achieve in time -
To let the punishment fit the crime -
The punishment fit the crime;
And make each prisoner pent
Unwillingly represent
A source of innocent merriment!
Of innocent merriment!
—W.S. Gilbert

I have been writing about individualism and the politics of individual liberty for almost sixty years, now. In all of that time, although I am a staunch, almost lifelong libertarian and consider myself an anarcho-capitalist (Truth in advertising: there are many puckered sphincters in the movement who might disagree, owing to my support for President Donald J. Trump.), I have proposed many a law and even a few Constitutional amendments. Hey, I have layers.

At one time or another, I have recognized that, as brilliant as they were, the Founding Fathers made one or two little mistakes that have resulted in the current mess we find ourselves in. This is not really a criticism, they just had two and a half centuries’ less experience dealing with insidious, predatory, rapacious politicians than we’ve had. Also, the enemies of liberty have had the same two and a half centuries to weasel and worm their way around the safeguards the Founders believed were adequate to protect us.

Founders’ Mistake Number One: I revere and venerate the first ten amendments to the United States Constitution, commonly known as the Bill of Rights, and so should every other individual with two little gray brain-cells to rub together. They are the highest law of the land and, really, the one and only thing that makes America exceptional.

But the Founders erred historically and grievously when they failed to provide a penalty—ironclad, Draconian, and stringent—for elected and appointed officials who break that highest law. History, I assure you, would otherwise have turned out very differently. As I tried to point out in 1980, it would make a hell of a novel

Founders’ Mistake Number Two: lies in the enumeration of the powers of Congress, to wit:

“They [congress] shall in all Cases, except Treason, Felony and Breach of the Peace, be privileged from Arrest during their Attendance at the Session of their respective Houses and in going to and returning from the same; and for any Speech or Debate in either House, they shall not be questioned in any other Place.”

With those fifty-four words, the Founding Fathers gave birth to a permanent criminal class, as surely as the city councils of Seattle, Minneapolis. Philadelphia, New York, and Portland. Even “treason, felony, and breach of the peace” are for all practical purposes excepted, now, or three quarters of these miscreants would be languishing in prison. That heinous, stupid clause must be repealed or rewritten at once.

For many years, I have advocated reopening Alcatraz strictly for government criminals, although lately it occurs to me that Antarctica might be even better. Cash-poor Russia and the other two-for-a-nickel satrapies that lay claim to slivers of that frozen continent would give them up for thirty-seven cents and a good bus token. And I kind of like the ring of “McMurdo Sound Federal Penitentiary”.

But, as usual, I have, once again, digressed.

Another cure—with similar delightfully frostbitten consequences—might be to incorporate United States Code, Sections 241 and 242 directly into the Bill of Rights, probably as Amendment Zero. They establish the crimes of depriving folks of their rights “under color of law”, conspiring to deprive them of their rights under color of law, and prescribe extremely specific penalties.

To my knowledge, those laws are never properly applied, and that is a travesty and a tragedy. Make them an Amendment, and they might prove more effective. I would consider every American deprived of his or her rights to represent a separate punishable offense. How about three billion years in the freeze-dried slammer, Nancy, for your decades of malfeasance, misfeasance, nonfeasance, upfeasance, and downfeasance as a member in evil standing of the Viet Congress?

Another, happier job of Congress is to “provide for calling forth the Militia to execute the Laws of the Union, suppress Insurrections and repel Invasions”. So why the bloody hell are they sitting on their thumbs right now, while American cities are being taken over and destroyed by allies of the Chinese communists? Their neglect of their duties in the face of the enemy is criminal and should be punished.

I’ve said before that a simple .380 automatic or a .38 Special in the pocket or purse of every American could change the course of history, virtually end crime, and establish genuine social democracy. I’ll add now that, given current events, there should be a substantial federal payment, part of the government’s budget every year—half from the Department of Defense, half from the Department of Justice—to allow every American to buy a .380 or .38 and the ammunition to practice with. It would be properly be termed the “self-defense subsidy”.

So there you have it: repeal Congressional immunity, incorporate punishments into the Bill of Rights, arm and call out the unorganized militia. If any of my “modest proposals” is too much for you, too rich for your blood, then I guess I’ll just go away and dedicate the remaining years of my life to repealing the Twenty-Second Amendment (look it up).

As always, Where We Go 1 We Go All.