Attribute to L. Neil Smith’s The Libertarian Enterprise

It’s possible that this obituary is a trifle premature, but I think it may be useful as a thought experiment. I first noticed Ron Perlman in the medieval murder mystery Name of the Rose. The star was supposed to be Sean Connery, but Perlman completely stole the show with his appealing and heartbreaking portrayal of the retarded monk Salvatore.

Perlman had appeared in Quest for Fire (I’ve always wanted to see it as half of a double feature with Ringo Starr’s hilarious Caveman), a movie I had enjoyed very much, along with Everett McGill (Stilgar in Dune), one of my favorite actors, but I never noticed either of them. I was 35 at the time, and I guess my eyes were on Rae Dawn Chong.

But I enjoyed Perlman’s work most of all in the three wonderful Hellboy movies (he was a terrific villain in Blade II, as well). I had never watched much of Beauty and the Beast—too sappy, somehow—but Perlman’s voice and appearance were easily recognizable under the pounds of makeup he wore as Vincent, the Beast. I like actors, like Michael Dorn (Worf) and Armin Shimerman (Quark), who can carry that off. I also never saw a single episode of Sons of Anarchy because I don’t like stories about motorcycle gangs.

Perlman had already made lots of interesting-sounding movies besides the ones I did see, and he made a whole bunch afterward that I might have tried to catch up with, but somewhere along the line, something went terribly wrong. For no sane reason I can discern, he began insulting Donald Trump in the nastiest, dirtiest, most public manner he could. Communist Wikipedia claims he made up an epithet, “li’l donnie”,for the President, that went viral, but I never saw it until I looked Perlman up today. All I can say is, never bend over in the shower if communist Wikipedia is in there with you; you’ll lose your anal virginity, for sure. Lacking any other means—perhaps the answer is no more than that Perlman owes his career to some evil-doer like Harvey Weinstein—I feel compelled to fall back on remote psychoanalysis to understand and explain Perlman’s irrational behavior.

Keep in mind that he was a leftist, a liberal, a “Progressive”, a Democrat, a socialist, a communist himself, and there is no reason.

Perlman is said to have believed that he was drawn to play lovable, sympathetic “freaks” because he was the fat kid in the class in grade school. The truth is, he spent his entire professional life fantasizing desperately, trying to get even with cruel reality, mostly playing bullies and thugs. He may have been Hellboy in the movies, but, deep in the blackened core of his shriveled soul, he would always be “li’l fatty”.

I understand, to a degree. Until Sixth Grade, I was the littlest kid in the class (my best friend Gary was the fat kid), frequently picked on and bullied by bigger kids, but I learned, whenever I felt fear, to take a step forward, no matter what it cost—I beat up the neighborhood bully three times—and they eventually learned to leave me the hell alone. I guess li’l fatty never beat up his neighborhood bully. Now he takes his childhood frustrations out on a man who never did him any harm and has benefited millions and possibly billions of people, ending conflict, among other things, in the Middle East. Ron Perlman was not only a miserable coward but an ingrate.

I’ve said it all before: the elites hate Donald Trump because he is on the side of the people who humiliated George III in 1776, destroyed serfdom therafter, kicked the king of Spain in his royal testicles in 1898, destroyed the Kaiser in 1918, stamped out Hitler’s evil empire in 1945, ended world communism in 1989, and now refuse to bow to the vile George Soros and his lackeys in the Democrat Party. Soros is the entry-level Nazi who betrayed his own people just like li’l fatty did. Perlman was on the wrong side. History will put li’l fatty in a box with Cher (who thought Mt. Rushmore was a natural formation until she was grown and married) and Bette Midler (when she and her ilk finally put themselves out of our misery) and remember him as nothing more than another gullible idiot.

At this point, the world will be a better, cleaner place without li’l fatty. But in reality he is still relatively young, compared to me, and it is not too late to get as smart as he sometimes appears to be. Take that step forward, Ron. There are people who can give you the help you need. Where We Go 1, We Go All.

*Rot In Putridity